


a man ain't a man unless he's fought the fight

by playthetyrants



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Domestic Violence, I'm gonna be real, M/M, Purgatory, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, What's new, You've been warned, also lindsey and anna are in love, an angst fest, but we get a happy ending, i'm forgetting a lot i'm sorry, james just really wants to find aleks, religion is a theme, there's a few scenes in this that can be triggering, you need to read the tags beforehand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15337158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/pseuds/playthetyrants
Summary: “Purgatory. Like, church Purgatory, the place between worlds, the dirty word that even pastors don’t like to say.” Brett spoke slowly, like he was still struggling to understand and James blinked at that, still staring at Trevor before he tore his gaze away.Aleks was there. He wasn’t quite dead but he wasn’t alive either, not fully, at least. It felt like the missing pieces of a puzzle were finally beginning to fall into place, his tired brain struggling to look at the bigger, finished picture.“How do I get there?” The words escaped his mouth before he had a chance to stop them, and he wanted to cry at how desperate he sounded, how hopeful he was.He saw everyone exchange glances with each other; some weary, others mostly surprised. James waited with his breath held, glancing around in a not so subtle attempt to catch someone’s eye before Lindsey cleared her throat, closing her book in her lap.“I don’t know, but let’s find out.”a soulmate au in which the name of your soulmate appears on your skin once you’ve touched, Purgatory is more than just a place in a book, and james has never really been a person meant to be loved.





	a man ain't a man unless he's fought the fight

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! it has been entirely way too long since i've posted a long fic...but it's finally here, and she's finally finished. 
> 
> this was, by far, the most difficult thing i've written to date. i had so many ideas for this story and some made the cut and others didn't. this is a product of 3 whole months of hard work, self doubt, and contemplation of quitting multiple times. that being said, i really hope this is up to everyone's expectations. 
> 
> i've battled with this idea in my head for a long time, and it's very much out of my comfort zone and something i wanted to try out, so we'll see how it goes! 
> 
> please read the warnings in the tags; there are certain scenes that could be triggering to readers, and i want everyone to be able to enjoy this as much as they can!
> 
> (title is lyrics from walls by kings of leon.)

 

When James Wilson was 16 years old, he saw his dad die. 

 

It wasn’t anything special; he had been sitting in his chair in the living room, half a bottle of whiskey resting on his chest when he took his last breath. The coroner said later that he’d simply drank himself to death; his liver had failed, organs shut down. He went to sleep and never woke up. 

 

He didn’t notice at first, too busy focusing on the dishes in the kitchen, scrubbing at them with a damp sponge and keeping his mouth shut as the TV droned on and on about the horrible things that were going on in the world, the things that were never going to stop as long as humanity thrived. 

 

When he finished, he glanced at the clock and realized his father hadn’t yelled at him in a few minutes, barking out an order for James to get him another drink or go find his mother so she could make dinner. He tentatively stepped into the living room, keeping his arms folded across his stomach and chest in an early attempt to keep himself guarded in case his dad tried to lash out at him, which he usually always did. 

 

James rounded his chair slowly, peeking around to his face and meeting a blank stare instead, those large eyes lifeless and empty, mouth hanging open in what had probably meant to be a cry for help. 

 

He waited a few moments before yelling for his mom; as awful as it sounded, he wanted time to savor this. 

 

When she came into the room and saw what had happened, James had expected her to cry despite it all. He’d been good once, or so she’d told James in the past. They’d been in love when they were kids, had dreamed of a big family and wonderful house and everything that normal people seemed to want. 

 

Instead she stared at him, taking a deep breath before reaching out to close his eyes with her hand, folding her arms over her chest as soon as she’d finished. 

 

“I never liked how much you look like him,” she said simply, sliding her arm around James’ waist and holding him close. James said nothing in response, staying still as she clung him to her side, resting her head on his shoulder. 

 

As soon as the funeral was over, James got his mom out safe and left that town as soon as he had the chance and only felt slightly guilty about it. His dad was dead; that was all he’d dreamt about since he was a kid. His one dream for his life had come true and now...he had the world. More specifically, 49 states in which he’d never been to and wanted to explore. His mom never got a chance to say goodbye, but James secretly believed she never wanted to, anyway. If she never said goodbye, it means there’d always be the slight chance he’d come back. The absence of a farewell simply meant a “see you later” in its place.  

 

He took a wad of cash he’d been saving up for years and an old car and his best friend Joe and drove until they ran out of gas, taking random turns and getting on random highways and not really caring where he ended up. It was the perfect amount of chaos and just the right kind of recklessness that young adults so desperately craved for in their early years; the yearning to be free and have absolutely no fucking idea what you were doing, all at once. 

 

He never looked back. He didn’t want to. 

 

It wasn’t until years into his new life with Joe that they found everyone else; none of it was supposed to happen. James never planned for his small family of he and Joe to grow into 7 within a few years.

 

They were people who didn’t realize they needed each other until the time to leave came and they realized that had nowhere else to go. It was as simple as that, really. 

 

James had been best friends with Joe since they were kids; Joe had seen the way his parent’s relationship destroyed each other and James had seen the death of his sister tear apart his family. 

 

Trauma was what they all had in common. 

 

They’d found Brett in a bar, drunk off his ass and saved him from trying to drive home. He ended up staying, for a couple nights that turned into a couple years. 

 

Lindsey and Anna were nothing more than two pale faces curled up in the back of an abandoned car in the park when James and Joe found them one evening, homeless and alone and something in their eyes told James they had a hold on his heart from the get go. 

 

Asher was a drug dealer gone rogue who’d had enough of the shit and wanted out; Trevor was a runaway kid who wanted out of his homelife and a new start somewhere fresh. All from different states, different stages of life, and absolutely none of that mattered. 

 

James had no one growing up; it took him just a little bit longer to find the family he had always meant to have. 

 

And that’s how he had ended up here, where he was present day; in a big house as far away from Colorado as he could possibly get, surrounded by people that just wanted the best for one another. They loved a lot and didn’t ask questions, and James didn’t deserve them but sure was glad they’d decided to stay. 

 

They had their flaws; Brett liked to drink a little too much and Trevor was always anxious about something. Joe didn’t try hard enough in certain situations and James tried too much. Asher hadn’t quite let go of his little drug habit and Anna worried constantly about everything, made herself sick much to Lindsey’s dismay. 

 

But at the end of the day, despite it all, James loved them all the same. The good always outweighed the bad, and James preferred remembering them that way instead. No amount of floating through towns, sneaking into houses and evading the law could beat the nights they spent together, happy and usually drunk and saying all the things they’d longed to hear their entire lives to one another. 

 

It wasn’t perfect, but it was a home, and that was all he’d ever wanted, really. 

 

They didn’t have much of a plan for anything but they knew they didn’t want to leave each other, not yet at least. 

 

James’ mornings had begun to blur together the last couple of months; they were always the same. The sunlight was always blinding, pouring in through the same spot between his curtains and making him turn away, his head aching painfully in response. 

 

This time James’ hand made contact with a mostly empty bottle of gin right below his pillow, his eyelids heavy as he struggled to open them. 

 

He let out a low groan, closing his eyes again as he moved his hand and shoved the bottle further away from him, feeling his hair that was stuck to his face and mouth with sweat begin to shift as he moved against the mattress, stomach churning nauseatingly. 

 

He barely heard his door open, couldn’t differentiate the squeaking of the door hinge from the blood pounding through his ears, managing to sit himself up on the edge of the bed, his feet hitting the hardwood floor with soft thuds. 

 

“I heard you again last night.” Lindsey’s voice was soft, and James could only imagine she’d seen the bottle of alcohol to his right. He didn’t say anything in response, his eyes still shut as he lowered his head slightly, letting his head hang over his lap. 

 

“I had to come in here...more than once, actually…” He heard her light footsteps beginning to approach him, and managed not to wince as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “James, this has to stop.” 

 

Now, James had never been to a therapist, or a psych or any sort of doctor that wanted to poke around his head for that matter. The closest he’d been to medical attention was visits to an ER in the middle of the night, after a drunken bet with Brett or a drug induced night of fucking around with Asher and Trevor, while Joe laughed from the side and Lindsey and Anna prepared the car in advance. 

 

He’d turned more into his father that he’d ever had in the past year alone, and it was all because of these fucking nightmares. 

 

James shifted slightly in his spot, his arms sitting limply in his lap as he slowly opened his eyes, blinking past the blurriness in him as he felt Lindsey sit down beside him, the mattress sinking down slightly from their combined weight. 

 

“You haven’t slept properly in a month. The drugs aren’t helping, neither is the liquor and you can only take so much more of this before your body starts shutting down.” James felt her hand slide down his arm, resting her palm against his own. He focused on her pulse for a second, steady and a little bit fast but way calmer than James’ erratic one. 

 

He turned his head, feeling his curls fall from his shoulders as what little hair that had been held up in his hair tie was released by Lindsey’s fingers, her hand going to gently stroke the back of his head. He met her sad eyes, keeping quiet as she brushed a lock of his hair back behind his ear. 

 

“I have something we can try, but you have to trust me.” James blinked slowly at her, still struggling to process her words through his hungover state of mind. “I don’t know if it’s gonna work, but it’s our last option. Next time this happens, I’m taking you to a hospital. And once they see all of the shit you’ve been putting in your system, and the state of your brain…” Her voice trailed off, and James didn’t need her to finish speaking to hear what she’d been trying to say. 

 

_ They’re gonna detox you. You’ll be thrown into rehab, into a psych ward, it’ll be miserable and James, I don’t know if you can handle that. Not right now. _

 

He let his eyes wander from her face, glancing over her shoulder at the open doorway she’d entered through. He was sure everyone had heard him last night, had come running to his room because that’s what James did to them now, he kept them on edge and made them afraid to sleep every single night because they still weren’t sure if he was gonna wake up in the morning, not after the incident almost a year ago. 

 

James squeezed Lindsey’s hand gently, slipping his fingers in between her own and he saw her lift her head up quickly, staring at his profile as he kept his gaze on the doorway for a moment, nodding his head slowly before turning to meet her eyes again, head tilted down slightly to match her height. 

 

“I’ll do it,” he murmured softly, closing his eyes again as Lindsey threw her arms around his waist, burying her face into his shoulder and sniffling loudly, squeezing tightly. 

 

“Thank you…” Her voice was muffled against his shirt and James raised his arms slowly, slipping them around her shoulders and resting his chin on her head, staying silent as his head kept pounding, blurring his vision and making him nauseous. 

 

And that’s how he found himself in the situation that he was in now, the situation that he didn’t know was about to lead to the beginning of the rest of his life. 

 

It was nighttime, the sound of crickets and cicadas loud and heavy outside his window as Lindsey leaned against the doorway, scrolling through her phone with one hand as James ran his hand along the bedspread, fingertips tracing the pattern of the comforter. 

 

“So this is like...a hypnosis thing? Supposed to put me to sleep and all that?” He looked up just in time to see Lindsey nod, locking her phone and standing up straight, sticking her hand in her pocket. 

 

“Yeah, found it online. Trevor mentioned it to me, and I found this one that seemed promising.” He kept silent, leaning his knees against the edge of his mattress as he watched Lindsey pull her hand out again.

 

James sighed, glancing wearily at the piece of fabric Lindsey was holding in her hand, her arm extended outwards towards him. 

 

“This isn’t going to work,” he said, his large brown eyes flickering up to look at her through his long lashes. “I’ve tried everything, I don’t know why you think this stupid-“

 

“James.” Lindsey’s voice wasn’t biting or harsh like he’d expected; rather, it sounded tired, almost dripping with an exhaustion that he felt like was almost as bad as his own. He closed his mouth, pressing his lips together softly as he watched her inhale and exhale slowly, her arm faltering slightly. 

 

“Drinking yourself to a blackout and taking dangerous amounts of drugs isn’t going to solve anything, as much as Brett and Asher insist it will.” James faltered visibly at that, keeping silent as she continued.

 

“You haven’t slept in weeks. Things are falling apart and you can’t keep pretending that this isn’t the reason why.” James kept silent, letting her stare him down as he shifted uneasily beneath her gaze, swallowing slightly. She dropped her hand, tilting her head to the side slightly. 

 

“We just want you to get better, you know that.” James raised his hand to his face, rubbing his eye with his palm so harshly he began to see stars. 

 

“You have nothing to lose. Just...try this, please? For me, at least?” Lindsey’s voice suddenly sounded much smaller in the large room, the two of them illuminated by the dim lighting from the lamp in the corner. He slowly moved his hand downward, dragging his fingertips lazily against his beard for a moment before dropping it completely. 

 

They stared at each other again for a moment, a silence falling between them that James couldn’t quite put a name on. His eyes flickered back downward to the long, jaggedly ripped piece of black fabric clasped in her pale hand, and suddenly he could feel the last few days of nightmares, of pure dread of seeing his bed and the countless hours of staring at the ceiling in the dark weigh down on his shoulders like he was Atlas. 

 

He reached down and stretched his hand out, his fingertips making contact with her palm as he gently took the cloth from her. He pulled it back slowly, running his thumb across the smooth satin before he frowned slightly, furrowing his eyebrow as he stared at it. 

 

“I hope this works,” he murmured simply, staring at it for a moment more before glancing up and meeting her eyes. Lindsey sighed softly, her blue eyes scanning his face up and down before she nodded slowly in response, crossing her arms over her chest. 

 

“Yeah, me too.” She craned her neck towards the bed that was sitting against the middle of the wall. “Lay down for me, I’ll be back once I make sure everyone else is either asleep or trapped somewhere with their mouth taped shut so they can’t make any noise.” James cracked a smile at that, the first one in what felt like months, wrinkling his nose slightly as he nodded. 

 

“Can do,” he murmured, watching her as he turned on her heel and walked out, pulling the door shut behind her and leaving him in silence once more. He blinked a few times, taking a half step backward before taking his first good look at the bedroom for the first time since they’d arrived. 

 

The room was barren, save for a handful of random furniture items and a bed. The carpet was dingy and rough, thankfully a dark color so he couldn’t see how dirty it actually was. There was a small window that was now letting bright moonlight pour through it, illuminating a spot on his bed where his backpack containing his entire life sat, half open and spilled out on his crumpled up comforter. 

 

He felt a sigh escape his lips before he even realized he’d been holding his breath, his shoulders slumping forward slightly as he finally let himself go, letting all of the exhaustion and weariness sink through his bones like molasses, slowly overtaking his body in a way that made it almost impossible for him to take the few steps forward to reach the bed. 

 

He could hear Lindsey moving around downstairs, her soft voice still managing to carry through the thin walls that surrounded them. He ran his hand lightly across the top of the blankets before he sat down slowly on the edge, sinking slightly into the mattress as he pulled his hands into his lap. 

 

There was absolutely no guarantee this was going to work, and he knew that. This was a last resort, some sort of desperate attempt to grasp onto his old self that he knew was still there, buried deep down. It felt like grabbing at smoke and watching it float through his fingertips. The drugs had made him agitated, the alcohol just made him numb. Every other time between that was just him staring at the ceiling until his eyes were forced shut by pure exhaustion and then forced open again by nightmares that ripped through his body like an electric shock, making his body tingle and chest ache painfully every time he woke. 

 

His lifted his left hand, dangling the ripped piece of black fabric in front of his face for a moment before letting it fall into his lap, following it with his eyes before he looked up to see Lindsey arrive again, a small, hopeful smile on her face as she pushed the door closed behind her again, watching him carefully. 

 

“They’re all asleep. Are you ready?” she asked, her voice a bit uneasy. James stared at her for a moment, taking in her face before he looked back down at his lap, picking up his cloth once more as he kicked off his shoes at the same time, toeing them off onto the floor before nodding quickly. 

 

“Absolutely.”

 

His back was flush against the bed in a matter of seconds, his entire body surrounded by blankets that seemed to cradle him like a child, holding him in one place in a way that wasn’t quite constricting, but still kept him still nevertheless. His vision was completely gone, the black satin tied around his eyes, snug against his temples with a small knot pressing against the back of his skull. He felt Lindsey’s smaller hands on either of his wrists, lifting his arms and moving them slightly so that they were resting on the top of his stomach, right hand below the left one. He swallowed thickly, feeling his hands rise and fall as he inhaled slowly, letting out a long exhale before shifting slightly in the bed. 

 

“I’m trusting you on this, you know,” he said finally, and he heard Lindsey snort, could practically see her rolling her eyes in response. 

 

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point of this entire thing,” she commented lightly, and James felt her hands on either side of this face, adjusting the blindfold slightly. “This has worked on probably millions of people, you’re just refusing to try.” James hummed absentmindedly at that, feeling her lift his head slightly and fixing the pillow beneath it before laying it back down. 

 

“Don’t think about anything, okay? Just...just focus on breathing. If this works, you’re going to get the best sleep of your life, I promise.” James smiled faintly at that, listening as her steps faltered away slightly as she stepped away. 

 

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said quietly, before he took another deep breath, letting his entire body relax against the mattress as he let it out. 

 

There was a beat of silence, and then Lindsey started speaking, and suddenly that was all that mattered. 

 

He couldn’t tell you what she said; it was like his mind had suddenly gone numb. He registered that she was there, could hear her and knew she was moving around him, but it all seemed to conglomerate into a pleasant blur. 

 

It was still English, he knew that; probably just something she’d found online, something that had worked on people before and they now swore by it, yet James felt like his brain was soaked in mud, struggling to function. 

 

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something...changed. His vision seemed to darken even further, his body heavier than lead and feeling like he was going to sink and disappear completely into some sort of void beneath him. 

 

He stopped trying to register her words and turned his mind off instead, letting a ringing sort of silence fill his ears. He was aware of his heartbeat now, pounding in his ears like drums, heavy and rhythmic and calming. 

 

And then suddenly, he heard something like static, electric and buzzing and trapped within his head. He gasped in a loud breath, feeling his hands slip slightly as he inhaled sharply, and then suddenly there was nothing. 

 

James could hear nothing, could see nothing but darkness around him. His own body wasn’t even visible, and for a moment he wondered if Lindsey had ended up killing him on accident, somehow, in some way. It was like he’d ceased to exist, vanished into thin air in an instant. 

 

He wasn’t in the bed anymore, he knew that much. He was pretty sure he was standing, and he moved his head slightly, feeling the muscles in his neck roll slightly. That calmed him slightly, knowing that he wasn’t some weird mass of nothing floating around. He focused on trying to move the rest of his limbs know, and despite the fact that he couldn’t see them he could feel the muscles in his arms roll slightly, felt his feet move gently against the invisible ground beneath him. 

 

One moment it was black, and the next his eyes were stinging from a sudden sharp light ahead of him, white and blinding and shocking him momentarily. He squinted immediately, tilting his head down and feeling one of his hands fly up in order to shield his face, and for a brief moment he could see the outline of his fingers against it. He could feel his eyes water slightly, and he almost closed his eyes before the light suddenly went out again, casting him in a hazy darkness once more. 

 

James felt his heart pounding rapidly against his ribcage now, his breath heavier and faster than before. His eyes still stung slightly, and he blinked a few times, his vision struggling to adjust as he lowered his hand. 

 

He heard the crying first. Harsh and loud and raspy, echoing amongst invisible walls and traveling like waves in an ocean, hitting him all at once with such a force he felt like he might fall over. He couldn’t see where it was coming from, but it made his chest ache horribly, grabbing ahold of his heart and ripping it out of his chest cavity entirely. 

 

He stiffened up, still blinking rapidly as he tried to pinpoint where the noise was coming from, moving his head around wildly before he caught sight of something in his line of vision, nearly stumbling over his own feet as he turned the rest of his body around, eyes widening slightly before freezing entirely. 

 

He was blonde, and small, and curled up on the ground in such a way that made him look pained, his arms covered in an array of brightly colored tattoos. He was wearing a dingy pair of white jeans, streaked with what looked like dirt and blood. His feet were bare, pale skin matching that of his bare chest, and as his eyes adjusted he could see that not only was his rib cage decorated with more tattoos, there was a familiar look of purple and blue bruises littered along it, like bursts of soft color in a Monet painting. 

 

The crying was coming from him, James realized after a moment of staring, and that seemed to shock some sense back into him. He felt his feet move slightly, and he swallowed thickly before taking another step forward. His foot echoed loudly as his foot hit the floor, and James saw the man’s head fly up suddenly. He stared at him, mouth slightly agape as he sat up quickly, his dark eyes wide and pale face almost glowing, and even though he was still several feet away James could read every emotion on his face. 

 

He watched the man swallow thickly, could see the way his Adam’s Apple bob against his throat as he shifted his weight against his palms that were now pressed against the invisible black floor as he held himself up. James could see the muscles in his arms tremble slightly, and his eyes flickered back up to his face, taking in the dried blood that caked his nostrils and ran down his lips and chin like a red wine stain on precious carpet. He seemed held there, frozen in time by nothing but the other man’s painful gaze, and James finally realized he was attempting to speak again, his voice weak and cracking slightly. 

 

“Help me, James.” And before he could even gasp the man was suddenly screaming, a horrible noise that made his blood run cold and his stomach churn. James watched in horror as some sort of invisible force yanked the man down onto the ground, his head making contact harshly with it before he was writhing in pain on the floor, kicking his legs as he struggled to find something to grab y, it’s okay…” he said desperately, his voice breathy and panicked as his hands hovered anxiously above his body, not even sure he was being heard over his screaming. His mind was reeling, still struggling to comprehend what was happening. 

 

This was a dream. Lindsey’s plan hadn’t worked, and he was imagining all of this, another nightmare he’d wake up from in a few seconds, or a few minutes, maybe even an hour, but...he’d wake up eventually. Because this was not real. 

 

James was pulled from his thoughts by the sudden tight grip on one of his wrists, breaking his reverie as the man yanked him closer. He blinked quickly, large eyes wide and dark and he opened his mouth to speak again but all that decided to come out was a loud, anguished gasp. 

 

His wrist was stinging, burning in such a way he hadn’t felt before. It was worst than every gunshot wound he’d received, every punch in the jaw and every bruise on his skin combined. It felt like he was being burned and being sliced open all at once, right down to the bone and James quickly yanked himself from the man’s grasp, gripping his wrist tightly and pulling it to his chest, eyes stinging with shocked tears as his body reeled from the shock of the pain. 

 

Part of him was afraid to look down at it, and he quickly decided against it as he pressed his arm further into his chest, lifting his head and blinking rapidly at the man, tears starting to fall for a million different reasons as the blonde man whimpered loudly, his fingers still reaching desperately towards him in the air. 

 

“James, don’t let them take me back! I can’t go back, take me home!” His wrist still felt like it was on fire, and James urgently tried to push the pain from his mind as he struggled to come up with a way to save him that didn’t involve touching his skin. 

 

But before he could think of anything, or say anything, or do anything other than cry the man was suddenly disappearing, screaming loudly as something invisible began dragging him backward, flipping him onto his stomach in one swift move that thudded hollowly amongst the vast room. All James could do was stare in horror, still cradling his arm to his chest as the man began clawing at the ground once more, his screaming more panicked and mixed with frantic crying. 

 

“James! JAMES, HELP ME!” His voice seemed to rattle every home in his body at once, giving him such an unnerving feeling that it stunned him momentarily. The pulling was getting faster, yanking him further and further into the vast emptiness that surrounded them, his bloody face and pale, bruised body growing smaller and smaller in his line of vision. He scrambled upward quickly, stumbling forward before he began running, footsteps heavy and full of purpose. 

 

“I’m coming!” he called out loudly, his voice trembling and slightly watery as he tried to close the distance between them, but to no avail. His breathing was heavy and loud and his chest ached and his wrist still burned and yet nothing was working, and the man was beginning to disappear entirely from his vision, his cries growing softer the farther he got. 

 

“James, don’t leave me!” And then suddenly James stopped, because he couldn’t run anymore, couldn’t fight the sudden feeling of weariness that was taking over him like he’d been injected with a drug, a dose of morphine to the bloodstream that slowed all of his motions down. He fell onto his knees suddenly, his legs seeming to give out as he hit the ground, catching himself on his free hand as his vision began to darken quickly, like ink spilling all over an empty page. 

“Aleks! Aleks, come back!” He wasn’t even sure if his words were making it out at this point; his mouth didn’t seem to be working, his lips numb and arm giving out as he fell forward onto the ground, inhaling one last shaky breath before he blacked out entirely. 

 

“ALEKS!”

 

He sat up suddenly, blood rushing from his head and giving him a feeling of vertigo as he gasped out loud, eyes wide with shock as he awoke. 

 

He could hear his heartbeat again, a loud pounding noise that rushed through his ears and echoed throughout his body that was suddenly visible again, illuminated in the bright light of the bedroom light that was now on over his head. His hands flew up to his face, touching his skin in an almost desperate sort of way as he ran his fingertips over his skin and beard, as if trying to convince himself that he was alive. 

 

He panted heavily, struggling to catch his breath as he realized his blindfold was gone, and he glanced down quickly at the rest of his body, his legs still surrounded by the comforters and blankets that Lindsey had arranged around him before he moved them slightly, relief flooding through him instantly. 

 

He was awake. He was alive. 

 

He moved his hands quickly down to his own chest, running them over his shirt and sides, feeling his heart pound sickeningly fast against his palms. He swallowed thickly, still trying to fight away the nausea feeling that was starting to take over before his eyes scanned the rest of the room, seeing everything was still in place where he’d left it. He turned his head to his left, his eyes darting up to meet those of Lindsey, who looked paler than usual, one hand gripping onto the black piece of fabric that had been tied around his eyes, staring at him with wide blue eyes. 

 

“Lindsey…” he began slowly, his voice scratchy and hoarse. He closed his mouth again, clearing his throat a bit before he opened it again, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at her once more. “What happened?”

 

James was met with another silent stare, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at him almost blankly, and he could almost see how fast her brain was struggling to work on her face as she finally began to speak after a few moments. 

 

“Who’s Aleks?” James felt his wrist suddenly sting again, white hot and painful and he winced visibly, gritting his teeth before he glanced down at his skin, feeling his entire body go numb and mind blank out entirely. 

 

There was a tattoo there, a new one in messy, scrawled black handwriting that read one word, a name. 

 

A L E K S.

 

James still felt like he was moving in slow motion as the chaos ensued; Lindsey grabbed ahold of his arms and helped him stand, calling loudly for Trevor as James struggled to walk, his knees shaking as he fought back the urge to bend over and throw up all over the hallway. He heard doors being pushed open, heard the frantic responses from everyone in the house, and James could see people appearing in his line of vision, his outlook still slightly blurry. 

 

“James? Oh my God, what happened to him?!”

 

“Is he okay? James, look at me!” 

 

“He looks like he’s gonna puke, sit him down!” 

 

James dug his fingernails into Lindsey’s arm, feeling as Joe’s familiar hands took ahold of his other hand, and he blinked a few times before he realized he was in the living room, letting himself being lowered onto the couch. He closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the spinning, feeling someone’s cold hands upon his cheeks, holding his head steady. 

 

“James? Say something, please…” 

 

He didn’t respond, keeping silent as the hands left his face and appeared back on his wrist, his shirt sleeve being yanked up before he felt a finger being pressed against his skin. 

 

James jolted immediately, eyed flying open as he gasped and yanked his hand back, blinking up at Anna who was staring at him with wide eyes, looking a bit shocked at his sudden movements. 

 

“I’m fine, just...can you all please back up? I feel like I can’t breathe…” James heaved in a deep breath, feeling it shake his body as he saw everyone back up slowly, Lindsey kneeling down on the floor about a foot away from him, staring intently at his profile as she attempted to get him to meet her gaze. 

 

“James...what happened?” James swallowed again, tasting bile in his mouth as he lowered his head down, glancing at his wrist. The skin around the name was still red and puffy, and stung to the touch as he pressed his thumb against it delicately, furrowing his brow. 

 

“I don’t know,” he began slowly, lowering his arm back into his lap before glancing up, taking in everyone’s worried faces for the first time all day. 

 

“It worked,” he continued, letting his gaze fall to Lindsey, meeting her worried eyes. “I fell asleep, but it was...different. I felt like I woke up again and I wasn’t there, I was in this other place, and it was dark, and I couldn’t see anything except for-“ 

 

He frowned then, feeling nauseated again as he cut himself off, blinking a couple times before tearing his gaze away, letting out a slow breath from his nose. 

 

“Except for Aleks.” Joe’s voice was clear through the silence that had taken over, and James waited a moment before nodding numbly, picking a spot on the wall in front of him to stare at. 

 

“Yeah. I don’t know how I knew his name, I’d never seen him before but he was being attacked, I don’t know by what. He was bloody and hurt and all I could focus on was getting to him, and it seemed like the distance just kept growing even though I was running at him. I finally got there, and as he was being yanked away he grabbed my wrist, and…” He lifted his wrist up simply, holding it out for everyone to see. “This happened.” 

 

Jame could tell just by the silence that everyone was struggling to comprehend this, could practically hear the gears in their heads turning and he sighed, bringing his hands up to his eyes and rubbing aggressively. 

 

“I don’t know, either. I don’t know what just happened, or what exactly I saw, but now I have my soulmate tattoo and I want to throw up and none of this makes sense because none of it was actually real.”

 

He could hear people shifting on their feet, moving around uneasily and letting out soft sighs that made James feel even worse, and if his body wasn’t still trembling he would’ve walked out a long time ago. 

 

So the only choice he had was to sit there, willing himself not to vomit and try and steady his heartbeat again before Anna spoke up, her voice barely audible. 

 

“But what if it was?” James finished rubbing his eyes and dropped his hands, his eyes struggling to adjust to the dim living room lighting for a moment before he focused in on her face, standing up from her spot against the wall on the other side of the room. 

 

“Was real, I mean. Soulmate tattoos don’t just appear on people, that’s not something that happens.” James furrowed his brow a bit, staring questioningly at her as she wrung her hands anxiously in front of her body. 

 

“How could it have been real? I was sleep, Lindsey watched me the entire time,” he pointed out, watching as she shifted nervously beneath his gaze before she spoke again. 

 

“It didn’t have to happen here,” she said carefully, her eyes darting around the room as she spoke, as if trying to justify her words to everyone. “To me, it sounds like you went somewhere else. Like your body stayed here and your mind went...away.” James stayed silent, watching as Anna crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, standing up a bit straighter. 

 

“I’m not crazy. You’re all just not...thinking,” she continued, her pace speeding up. “Our soulmates are destined at birth. Beyond that, we don’t know anything about them. Who’s to say that this Aleks isn’t somewhere else? I don’t know where, exactly, but he can’t be dead if you got that tattoo.” James frowned at that, letting his eyes fall onto the hardwood floor as Lindsey stood up and crossed the room, taking Anna’s hands in her own. 

 

“Anna…” she murmured slowly, and James could hear the way Anna sighed pitifully in response to her gentle tone. 

 

“Just think about it! James said Aleks was hurt, maybe he’d gotten stuck somewhere, in some place that...wasn’t on Earth…” James could hear the way she was beginning to doubt herself, listening to the words that were spilling from her own mouth and he stared down at his hands that were hanging in between his legs, moving his fingers slightly so he could see his knuckles pop beneath his skin. 

 

“I think she’s right.” Everyone seemed to stop breathing, and James felt 6 pairs of eyes turn to stare at him all at once, the silence in the room almost unnerving. He lifted his head, letting his gaze graze over everyone briefly before he focused in on Anna, holding her there. 

 

“I think you’re onto something,” he continued slowly, seeing a sense of relief begin to splash across her face. “There’s not really another explanation. If this was just a dream I wouldn’t have woken up with this tattoo, wouldn’t have been screaming the name of a man I’d never seen before.” 

 

James turned his head again, not knowing who exactly to look at so he chose to stare at the doorway, down the hall and to the stairs that led up to his bedroom, chewing on his bottom lip for a second. 

 

“I don’t know what happened, but something did. This wasn’t just the normal shit I see on a nightly basis, it was completely different. And if it’s really my soulmate, then...I want to find him.” His head was beginning to pound again, and the nauseous feeling made a comeback as James closed his eyes, the sheer effort of having to speak being almost too much for him. 

 

He lowered his head towards the floor, swallowing again and focusing on keeping his dinner down before Lindsey was speaking. 

 

“We’re gonna find him.” There was a chorus of humming and agreements, faint noises amongst the large room and James didn’t move, keeping his eyes shut as he heard the woman cross the room, kneeling down on the floor in front of him and placing her hands on his knees. 

 

“This could be what we’ve been looking for, the reason you haven’t been able to sleep in weeks. We just...we need to do some research. I’m sure there’s something out there to help you…” 

 

Her tone was soft but sad sounding, like the ending notes of a waltz in a ballroom. James sat there in silence for a moment, counting the beats his heart made against his ribcage for a few seconds before opening his eyes again, giving her a weary smile, the first one he’d been able to muster in days. 

 

“I trust you,” he mumbled simply, and when she threw her arms around his neck to hug him he let her, feeling his body away slightly at the impact. 

 

He reluctantly agreed to staying downstairs that night, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch like a child for the mental sake of not only Lindsey, but everyone else in the house. Their gazes lingered longer now, as if checking to see if he was going to have what seemed like another psychotic break. 

 

It wasn’t anything new; James had been used to these faces for months now. 

 

They went to the library as a group, all of them parading out with stacks of books that were taller than themselves, all on different subjects that they suspected might be of help. James wasn’t sure where to begin, and had only taken the ones Lindsey had given him to read, all of which were big and bulky with tiny print that made his eyes hurt. 

 

They spent nearly a week curled up in the living room, faces illuminated by laptop screens and noses buried into dusty pages that didn’t make much sense to James, but he kept his mouth shut. They had research on every subject; mental health experiments, sleeping disorders, even fucking witchcraft seemed a viable option at this point. 

 

James still hadn’t slept properly; the few times exhaustion had gotten the best of him and he’d dozed off, Lindsey was shaking his shoulders and urging him to wake up, his mouth hoarse from screaming Aleks’ name over and over again. 

 

The dreams were mostly the same; still in that dark place, still Aleks’ destroyed body and crying voice, begging James to come help him. He never got close enough to touch him again, but when James woke up his wrist was always stinging, without fail.

 

At the end of the week James was cranky; they all were. The sun had set once more and they’d still found nothing, and his stomach hurt due to the fact that they’d barely eaten, barely done anything except scour over books that were providing absolutely no use to them. 

 

He slammed a book shut a little too harshly in his lap, getting the attention of everyone in the room before he shoved it off his legs and onto the coffee table in front of him, sitting up on the couch. 

 

“I’m going upstairs,” he said shortly, not even bothering to meet anyone’s eyes as he stood up, carefully weaving his way through the bodies lounging on the floor. “I’m not helping the effort, I can barely finish reading a sentence without my eyelids trying to fall shut…” 

 

He reached the doorway, mentally debating if he should make a stop in the kitchen to try and put something in his system when Anna spoke up suddenly. 

 

“Lindsey might’ve found something,” she blurted out, and James turned his head just in time to see Lindsey flash her a dirty look, eyes narrowing slightly before she turned away. 

 

She looked up at him, her fingers still curled around the top of the book she was holding , tapping her thumb against one of the pages slowly, tentatively. Anna had gone silent at her side, curled up in the armchair with one of Lindsey’s hoodies on, tucked over her knees as she pulled them closer to her chest. James felt only slightly uneasy at the way she refused to look up at him, chewing on one of her fingernails instead as she stared at a spot on the floor. 

 

James let out a soft sigh, leaning against the edge of the doorframe and crossing his arms reluctantly over his chest, tilting his head to the side. 

 

“Just hit me with it; what did you find?” Lindsey turned her head to meet Anna’s eyes, exchanging a look that said a million different things and James couldn’t help but feel slightly envious of that, of a relationship so close and intimate that it only took a single look to have a conversation with someone. 

 

Anna was the first to turn her head and James finally got a proper look at her face, eyes visibly tired and a small frown on her lips, her eyebrows furrowed in what almost seemed like pity. James inhaled another small breath, holding it in as Lindsey turned her gaze as well, staring him down for a few seconds before opening her mouth. 

 

“What do you know about Purgatory?” 

 

It was as if someone had flipped a switch, everyone’s attitudes perking up at the mention of a potential lead. James blinked in surprise as he watched everyone sit up suddenly, pushing through piles of books and pulling out laptops to start typing. James hurried back to his spot on the couch, pushing away the medical journals he’d been reading beforehand as Trevor spoke up, his voice loud and ringing above the noise of everyone moving. 

 

“ A place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven.” He looked up from his phone and raised an eyebrow, staring contemplatively at James for a moment. “That’s...that’s where he could be.” 

 

There was a beat of silence that answered him, everyone seeming to process this in their own minds. 

 

“Purgatory. Like, church Purgatory, the place between worlds, the dirty word that even pastors don’t like to say.” Brett spoke slowly, like he was still struggling to understand and James blinked at that, still staring at Trevor before he tore his gaze away. 

 

Aleks was there. He wasn’t quite dead but he wasn’t alive either, not fully, at least. It felt like the missing pieces of a puzzle were finally beginning to fall into place, his tired brain struggling to look at the bigger, finished picture. 

 

“How do I get there?” The words escaped his mouth before he had a chance to stop them, and he wanted to cry at how desperate he sounded, how hopeful he was. 

 

He saw everyone exchange glances with each other; some weary, others mostly surprised. James waited with his breath held, glancing around in a not so subtle attempt to catch someone’s eye before Lindsey cleared her throat, closing her book in her lap. 

 

“I don’t know, but let’s find out.”

 

The nighttime turned to morning before James knew it, and despite the fact that they all had a common subject to research on...no one was getting anywhere. 

 

When the sun began to rise a few hours later James was beyond tired, his brain fried and his hands struggling to turn the pages of the Bible he was pouring over. It had been a couple hours since anyone had spoken, and James was half convinced most of them had passed out on the floor. 

 

He lifted his head to check, not being able to hide the tired smirk that took over his lips at the sights of his friends fast asleep on the floor. Joe was at his feet, his back turned to him with a book being held to his chest. Brett was in the middle of the floor, limbs spread out and a book on his face with Asher on one side and Trevor on the other, faces buried into either the carpet or their own shirt sleeves. 

 

Anna was curled up into Lindsey’s side, her head resting on her ribcage with her knees still tucked to her chest, curled in on herself like a small child. Lindsey was the only other person still awake, her glasses on as she scanned over her laptop screen, squinting her eyes in the harsh blue light. 

 

“Lindsey, you need to sleep.” She lifted her head up at that, blinking in surprise at the sound of his soft voice before glancing around, realizing everyone else had passed out before looking at Anna to her side, her face softening slightly. 

 

“What time is it?” she murmured, reaching an arm up to rub at her eyes as James glanced down at his phone, stifling a yawn. 

 

“Almost 7 in the morning.” Lindsey hummed at that, letting her arm fall and draping it around Anna’s shoulders, James watching as she curled up closer to her in her sleep, burying her face deeper into her shirt. 

 

“You’re right. Once we all wake up, we’ll have fresh minds to keep looking…” James pursed his lips at that, swallowing back another sigh as he watched Lindsey begin to sit up, still struggling not fall asleep.

 

“There’s no way to get to him, is there?” She didn’t stop moving, not even lifting her face to register that she’d heard him and that was really all the answer he needed. He could tell just by the look on her face that things weren’t gonna work out in his favor. 

 

James swallowed a bit, letting his eyes flicker down to the computer in her lap before raising his hands again and rubbing his palms over his face, attempting to knead away all the stress the day had brought him before he realized he wanting nothing more than to be alone right now. 

 

“Look, we tried. If there’s no way to get there, then we just...we have to leave it alone.” He didn’t want to say Aleks’ name out loud, didn’t want to put a face that had been haunting him every waking moment since he’d had that nightmare onto this entire situation, didn’t want Lindsey to have to beat herself up over this like she did everything else she couldn’t solve. “We tried, and that’s all we can do.” And it wasn’t enough. 

 

He ran a hand over his head, smoothing down loose curls and baby hairs before he let it fall limply to his side in defeat. “Get some sleep, you’ve worn yourself out today.”

 

Lindsey still didn’t respond, her mind seemingly elsewhere as she kept staring down at the screen in front of her and James swallowed down another sigh, knowing that anything he said wasn’t going to change her stubborn nature, no matter how close they were. He turned on his heel and began to walk out, already thinking about what alcohol Brett had stashed in his bedroom that he could get into tonight when Lindsey finally spoke up, soft and almost lost behind the noise of the AC. 

 

“I found something.” 

 

There was a moment then, after Lindsey had spoken and James was standing in the doorway, his back still turned to her, that he seriously considered walking away. Whatever this something was couldn’t be safe, couldn’t be in any way deemed easy or simple and sure as hell wasn’t guaranteed to work, especially if she’d kept her mouth shut about it. In an entire day spent scouring books and the Internet for just a simple glimpse into what this world was, Lindsey had managed to find one thing. 

 

This was stupid, this was dangerous. 

 

James let his eyes flicker down to the tattoo on his wrist, still fresh and slightly red and turned himself around in an instant, meeting Lindsey’s eyes with his own. 

 

“Tell me.”

 

James watched her seem to internally debate this for a moment, her foot bouncing anxiously against the floor like it always did before she let out a small breath of defeat, shoulders slumping slightly as she fell back slightly against her chair. James quickly shut the door behind him, maneuvering his way past the piles of books and random cushions littered across the floor from the days events, taking a spot in Anna’s chair from earlier. Lindsey was slow with her motions, scrolling through the page on her screen carefully and James bit back an impatient remark, instead keeping his eyes fixated on her face for any sort of clue as to what she’d found. 

 

“Now, hear me out...I don’t know how true any of this is.” James tried to ignore the way his heart ached at her remark, instead shrugging his shoulders a bit. 

 

“Nothing we found today seemed to be true, either. It’s all gods and monsters and playing pretend,” he said simply, and Lindsey gave him a pained sort of look before she turned her head back down to the screen, beginning to type slowly on the keyboard. 

 

“I found this woman online...she claimed to have visited there not once, but twice.” James held his breath, keeping his mouth shut as Lindsey’s eyes scanned the screen, chewing absentmindedly on her lip as she did. “The first time, she’d been in this crazy car accident and was technically pronounced dead. She said she went to Purgatory, and the doctors were somehow able to bring her back and she woke up and could still remember everything.” Lindsey let her gaze flicker back up to his face again, and James turned his head slightly to meet her eyes. “She wrote everything down; what she saw, what she heard, what it was like…” 

 

It was obvious that whatever this woman had said, Lindsey hadn’t particularly liked. He really hadn’t been expecting different; his knowledge on the place was obviously very limited, but he’d been raised Catholic in the little time he’d spent in his childhood going to church. Purgatory was a dirty word even there, and no one had ever seemed to want to talk about it. 

 

He let out the breath he’d been holding, letting his shoulders fall slightly before he leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows against his thighs as he leaned forward, never breaking their eye contact. 

 

“Lindsey, I’ve never wanted something more than this in my entire life.” She let out a defeated sigh at that, tilting her head to the side and giving him a look that said ‘please, think this one through. I know you’re reckless and you try to be brave but please, James. Think about it.’

 

James quickly pulled his arm up, yanking his sleeve off of his wrist and holding it out to Lindsey, urging her to listen as he spoke quickly. 

 

“Don’t you remember what it felt like the first time you touched Anna?” Lindsey sucked in a deep breath at that, closing her eyes and leaning against the back of her chair as she opened her mouth to protest. 

 

“That’s not fair, you can’t do t-”

 

“How is it not fair?” James cut her off quickly but not harshly, his voice still as soft as it was before. “I just want you to understand. It’s the same thing for me. One second I was fine and the next it was like my soul was on fire, like there was nothing else in this world that mattered but him. You know what that feels like, Lindsey.” 

 

Her eyes were still shut, her face now contorted into a frown that looked like she wanted to cry, shaking her head slowly in response. 

 

“James...you haven’t considered the prospect that he might be dead.” He felt his expression harden at that, pressing his lips together tightly. 

 

“Oh I’ve considered it,” he said shortly, pulling his wrist back into his lap. “I’ve considered it more than you think.” Lindsey fell silent again, opening her eyes and looking a bit guilty before James continued. “But it would just be fucked up of me to stay here and not at least try. I don’t care what it takes, I’m willing to try it all. I don’t think I could go the rest of my life not knowing if he was really dead or just stuck in a place that wants him that way.” 

 

The silence that filled the room then was tense; James felt almost uncomfortable under Lindsey’s stare, her eyes full of nothing but pity geared towards him. He shifted slightly in his seat, swallowing a bit and becoming highly aware of the way his heart was beating, rapid and loud in his ears. 

 

“Look,” he said with a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment as he spoke. “If he really is dead, then so be it. But I don’t think he could’ve reached me if he were. How can a dead person do this?” He held up his wrist again, opening his eyes to see Lindsey still staring at his face, refusing to glance at his skin before he lowered it again. “I just...I have this feeling. And I know that’s rich coming from someone who’s lost their fucking soulmate but...I don’t know, Lindsey. I’ve never felt this way before in my life. That has to mean something.” He finished speaking, letting his voice falter off slightly before he closed his mouth, feeling his shoulders slump slightly as he closed in on himself, letting his confident demeanor slip. 

 

She was right; she always was. Lindsey was the reason James hadn’t spent multiple nights in jail for reckless behavior, was the reason he woke up mornings after binge drinking with water and medicine within an arm’s reach before he could start complaining and was truly, entirely the only reason James was still alive to see this day. 

 

Talking someone out of a suicide does a lot for a relationship. 

 

The AC had finally shut off, the end of its cycle ushering in an eerie new silence into the room. James could practically hear Lindsey’s internal thoughts, could see the way she was debating with herself just by the emotions on her face, illuminated by the computer screen. 

 

He thought the pause was never going to end, and then she finally let out a long breath, closing her eyes and letting her head hang for a second before she shook her head. 

 

“The second time she went…” she began slowly, and James felt relief wash like cold water over his body. “...she got there without dying. Formulated some sort of ritual sacrifice thing, and made it back just so she could see more of it.” He perked up at that, leaning closer towards her as she began to scroll across the page, James watching the text dance across the lenses of her glasses. 

 

“She was there temporarily; what she did only gave her 24 hours, but she didn’t know that. She barely made it back alive, and when she did she was...different. Traumatized, really. Her friends and family said she was never the same afterwards, all she did was write about what she saw, and none of it seemed to make sense…” Her voice faded, stopping her finger from scrolling before she let her eyes flicker up towards him, gazing at him through her eyelashes. 

 

“Look, call me selfish or whatever but I really don’t want to lose my best friend to this place, so just...be careful. I know that’s asking a lot from you and you hardly listen to anyone but please, just this once...be safe, with whatever you end up doing. That’s all I ask.” 

 

James felt a pang of guilt deep in the bit of his stomach, watching Lindsey’s face falter as the heaviness of her words began to weigh down on herself, averting her eyes to look back at the screen to try and hide her emotions. 

 

He stared at her for a moment, taking in her profile and recalling how much this conversation reminded him of the night he’d gotten too wasted and too close to a bottle of pills for either of their liking. He got up, stepping over and closing the space between the two chairs before sitting down on the edge of Lindsey’s seat, leaning forward and wrapping his tanned arms around her body, holding her there and falling silent. 

 

James could hear her sputter slightly, unable to gather her words and respond for a few seconds before she gave up entirely and slipped her arms around his neck, hugging him close and burying her face into his shoulder, sighing into the fabric. 

 

“Goddammit, James…” she murmured miserably, sniffling slightly as James rested his cheek against her hair, staring at a spot on the living room wall. 

 

“I’ll be back, don’t you worry,” he said simply, running his hand up and down her back gently. “And I’ll be the same old reckless idiot when I return.” He heard Lindsey give a watery laugh at that, pulling one of her arms down from around his neck and wiping feebly at her nose with her sleeve before she sat up, running the back of her hand over her eyes. 

 

“You better,” she said with another sniffle, her voice thick with unfallen tears. “If you die, I’ll bring your ass back just to kill you again.” 

 

Simply translated from Lindsey terms, ‘If you die, a part of me will too.’

 

And it turns out when Lindsey had said this woman had written a lot, she’d meant it. James spent the rest of the night and well into the morning reading what she had named “A Guide to the In Between”. It was basically a survival journal, and James could hardly believe she’d only been gone for 24 hours with the amount of information she had taken down. Detailed logs, hastily sketched pictures and random notes littered the pages of the PDF he’d found online, straining his eyes to read the messy scribbling as his body fought back the exhaustion he felt. 

 

Lindsey had gone to bed after another hour or so and had urged James to do the same, although she knew just as well as he did that that wasn’t going to be the case. It was almost 9 in the morning now, and James could see the faint beginnings of the sun pouring through the blinds of his bedroom window as he sat up in his bed, leaning his head back and stretching his neck as he yawned, his eyes falling shut on their own accord. 

 

The stuff had been dark, that was for sure, but James felt almost empowered by it. It took a lot to scare him off, and the stuff in the journal had been so vague that really, there wasn’t a lot that was tangible to be scared by. He could see how someone like Lindsey, with a tendency to worry and an overactive imagination could be troubled by it, but every time James glanced down at his tattoo it was like none of that mattered. 

 

A lot of the stuff she said matched up, too; the dark place from his dream was written almost verbatim in her own words, from her first visit there. He could feel the tempation of sleep pulling on his body, yanking on his limbs and making his eyelids heavier the more he read. He’d barely slept since the day he saw Aleks; each time he did after it was on accident, and it only took a few minutes for him to start screaming again, Lindsey’s worried face hovered over his bed as she struggled to wake him up. 

 

He could hear noise from the kitchen, faint footsteps that could only be Brett’s padding their way down the hallway as he was always the only one up this early. James inhaled another sigh, reaching up and rubbing at his eyes with his palms, leaning against the headboard as his head ached from lack of sleep. He closed his laptop, carefully setting it down on the floor beside his bed as he slowly pushed his legs down, pulling his comforter up to cover the rest of his body. 

 

It wasn’t necessarily what was there, in Purgatory, that scared him the most. If he even had the slightest chance of finding Aleks down there, it was all going to be worth it. 

 

It was getting down there in the first place that unnerved him. 

 

James slid himself down from the headboard, laying his body flush against the mattress to stare up at a fixed point on the ceiling, his hands resting gently against the top of his chest as he did. He felt his heart beating rhythmically against his fingers, hitting his rib cage with the gentlest of movements as he heard the beginnings of thunder start from outside. 

 

“It’s a sacrifice, James. This place...it wants a part of you in return for visiting. And I don’t think it’s crazy to think that it’s not just an object you’re giving up to go there.” 

 

James tapped his thumb absentmindedly against his chest, turning his head so that his cheek was resting against the pillow and he was gazing at the window, watching tiny flashes of lightning begin to spill through the blinds.

 

He heard the familiar noise of footsteps in the hallway as Brett tiptoed his way back to his bedroom, the weight on his feet making the old floorboards creak. He should be asleep; any normal person would be asleep right now, wouldn’t be fighting the urge to close his eyes and slip into a deep sleep for hours and hours and not have to worry about waking up screaming the name of a man who very well might be dead. 

 

James had never been normal, though. Not really. 

 

When he found himself being woken up yet again by Lindsey’s hands clamped onto his shoulders, shaking his frame in a desperate attempt to wake him up he’d managed to sleep for a full 36 minutes; a new record. 36 minutes that his body had managed to stay unconscious, although he had still been screaming Aleks’ name and woken up with tears in his eyes, allowing himself time to realize no one else but her was in the room before he let himself begin to cry. 

 

He wasn’t sure what it was for, exactly; fatigue? The pain in his head? The sheer frustration of this entire situation? 

 

Or was it just Aleks? 

 

When James thought the dreams couldn’t get any worse, they did. When he thought that seeing Aleks getting killed by the unknown things that lurked in the dark filled with strange noises and cold wind couldn’t be any more gruesome, he was waking up with his hands on his face trying to wipe away phantom blood that had been splattered on him, the image still ingrained in his memory like a fucking keepsake. 

 

He’d almost thought he wouldn’t wake from this one, no matter how hard he struggled and how aware he was of Lindsey’s voice, begging him to come back to her and open his eyes. 

 

She’d stopped talking after he began to cry, instead crawling her way into the bed and letting him rest his head against her shoulder, her small hands reaching their way up to brush his hair from his forehead, her voice as soft as her touches. 

 

“We’re gonna make this work,” she said simply, letting her hand fall to rest on the middle of his back before she began to rub it gently, up and down almost rhythmically in the way that only Lindsey knew how to do. “We will get you to your soulmate because you’re a good man, James, and no matter what you think, you deserve to be happy, too.” 

 

And for the first time in a really long time, that’s all he wanted. 

 

As the day wore on James could sense the slight tension, uneasiness running rampant through the kitchen they were standing in. James appreciated the attempt at lightening things up; the usual banter he felt like he hadn’t heard in weeks was in full speed once more. 

“Are you sure this isn’t some type of witch bullshit? The only time I saw someone cut their palm open was in some shitty horror movie I saw when I was 16.” Trevor’s loud voice rang out from above the noise in the kitchen, everyone bustling around within their own conversations before Brett snorted loudly. 

 

“You’re acting like 16 years old wasn’t like, last fucking month for you.” James heard Lindsey giggle loudly, looking up in time to see her cover her mouth as Trevor rolled his eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter with a book in his hands. 

 

“I’m 21, thank you. Besides, what are you, 60? 16 years old was like the last fucking century for you, tell my racist grandparents I said hey.” James cracked a smile at that, tilting his head back down as Asher busted out laughing, covering his eyes with his hands as Lindsey snickered again, smacking Brett lightly on the arm and getting a smirk out of him, shaking his head in response as Trevor smiled. 

 

It was well into the evening now, the kitchen littered with various books, multiple laptops and food that was supposed to be cooked into a meal but was now sitting in random piles amongst their hands, free for the taking as they’d spend their entire day researching again. 

 

James was near the back, closest to the living room and leaning against the wall as he sat on one of the counters, his head resting on one of the cabinets behind him as he watched everyone begin to bicker harmlessly, smiling softly to himself. 

 

He barely heard Anna approach his side, only saw her blonde hair from out of the corner of his eye for a second before he realized she was there, turning his head to face her. 

 

“Anna, be honest. How old do I look?” he asked lightly, smiling growing as she cracked a grin at that, shaking her head in response. 

 

“No, we’re not gonna play that game. I’ll answer wrong and you’ll not speak to me for a week.” James hummed at that, turning his head back to the chaos ensuing in the kitchen, watching Trevor now beginning to tease Brett on their height difference and Brett reel back by comparing their muscles while Lindsey and Asher watched in entertainment. 

 

Anna was silent, matching his gaze and watching them quietly, her arms crossed over her chest for a few moments before James inhaled a slow breath, letting it fill every part of his lungs before he let it out.

 

“Am I stupid for thinking this is gonna work?” 

 

Anna didn’t respond, still staring idly at her girlfriend from across the room before she began to shake her head slowly, finally tearing her gaze away. 

 

“No, not at all.” She turned her head back to face James, her brow furrowed thoughtfully as she met his eyes. “You’ve done the research. Granted, there’s not a whole lot out there, but what we have is what we have. If it worked for her, I’m positive it will for you.”

 

James raised an eyebrow at that, giving her a questioning look before speaking again. 

 

“Positive’s a strong word,” he said simply, and Anna shrugged nonchalantly like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

 

“She didn’t have a reason to go back; you do. Say what you will about God...I don’t even know if you believe in some sort of higher form and that’s perfectly fine but I really, truly don’t think that he, or she, or they, or it...would ever bring the two of you together just to yank you apart again.” 

 

It didn’t make the best of sense, but coming from Anna’s mouth James had never heard something clearer in his life. She stared at him carefully afterwards, her cheeks flushing pink as she finally stopped herself from rambling on, James watching the embarrassment set in. 

 

“Yeah, that didn’t make much sense, but my point is-” James cut her off by sliding himself off the counter, feet hitting the tile floor loudly and silencing the rest of the room. Anna blinked slowly up at him, still wringing her hands nervously like she always did when she was embarrassed before he pulled her into his arms, wrapping them around her shoulders and holding her tight. 

 

Lindsey smiled softly, James giving her a grin in return as he rested his cheek on top of Anna’s hair and felt her wrap her arms around his waist and hug him back, murmuring a soft “thank you” against her head as the rest of the guys looked on in confusion. 

 

“Did we just miss out on some sort of sentimental moment?” James grinned again, letting go as Lindsey gave a small giggle, leaning against the counter as James straightened back up again. 

 

“Just telling my favorite person in the room goodbye,” he replied smugly, earning audible groans and dramatic cries from their mouths as Anna smiled, hitting his chest with the back of her hand lightly. 

 

“No sir, saying goodbye isn’t the same as see you later. I’m gonna see you bright and early the following morning,” she said playfully, although James could hear the hidden seriousness in her tone. He let his dark eyes flicker to hers for a split second and gave a slight nod, watching her face flood with relief before she crossed her arms over her chest, giving her full attention and a bright grin to Lindsey. 

 

Brett and Trevor were at it again, playfully arguing once more as Asher watched from the side and purposefully egged them on, laughing loudly every time they took the bait. Anna was talking to Lindsey quietly, letting the other woman carefully touch her hands, running her fingertips along the tops of her fingers before deeming it safe and sliding her palms against her own. 

 

James watched the exchange almost sadly, feeling guilt beginning to fill the pit of his stomach and weigh him down like an anchor. His hand floated absentmindedly to his other wrist, running a gentle fingertip against his tattoo as he wondered idly for a second what Aleks’ touch felt like. 

 

“James?” He looked up quickly, snapping from his thoughts to blink rapidly at Lindsey, who was now standing in front of him as everyone else was shuffling out of the room, still talking amongst themselves. 

 

He swallowed a bit, pulling down his sleeve and lowering his hands carefully as Lindsey watched him almost sadly, tilting her head slightly to the side. 

 

“We’ve got everything ready...we’ll be ready to go in the morning.” James nodded a bit, not meeting her eyes as he turned his gaze to stare off at some random spot on the wall, listening as she gave a small sigh, feeling her reach out to touch his arm softly. 

 

“Try and get some rest. I don’t care you have to do, drink yourself into a stupor if that’s what it takes...just be sure you’re awake and ready to go when the sun comes up.” 

 

James didn’t respond, still staring at a faded spot in the wall where there might’ve been a picture on it at some point, crossing his arms over his chest as he felt his wrist begin to ache. 

 

“I’ll be ready,” he said quietly, finally let his gaze fall back down towards the shorter woman, meeting her concerned eyes. She scanned his face briefly, tilting her head down and staring at the floor before she turned on her heel and began to walk out, footsteps heavy against the tile floor of the kitchen. 

 

He waited a few minutes before slowly making his way up the stairs and to his bedroom, absentmindedly rubbing at his tattoo while his mind was a million miles away. He managed to undress himself and get into the shower, letting his hair down and shaking out his curls before he stepped inside, shutting the glass door behind him. 

 

He rested his back against the tile, turning on the shower and letting the hot water splash lazily onto his legs, holding his hands up to let the drops ricochet off his palms. The steam built up fairly quickly, filling up the small glass shower and making it hard to breathe and James wondered idly if Purgatory was like this; hazy, suffocating. He’d know in a few hours, anyway.

 

Well...at least he hoped he would. 

 

James stood under the shower head for a long time, letting his hair get completely soaked and rested his forehead against the tile wall, watching the water drip rhythmically at his feet before he decided he’d better honor his word to Lindsey and at least try to sleep. It was almost midnight; he was sure everyone was in bed by now, either fast asleep or about to be. He slowly dried his hair off, running a towel through his curls as he picked up some random clothes off of his floor that he hoped weren’t dirty, dressing in silence as the burning feeling on his wrist refused to fade. 

 

Things were rough that night, and he wasn’t surprised. Every time he woke up his chest was drenched with sweat, his heart racing a mile a minute and Aleks’ name was always halfway out of his lips, his throat stinging from the screaming he hadn’t realized he’d been doing. 

 

He’d locked his door and told everyone to ignore him, especially Lindsey. There wasn’t any use in her rushing in every half hour to wake him up; she wouldn’t be rested in the morning when she needed to be. After the first couple of times, he felt his throat becoming hoarse and prayed to God that he wouldn’t be heard anymore, and everyone could get at least a few hours of sleep without him. 

 

The dreams were different; as the night went on, things seemed to get calmer in his mind. James figured it was due to sheer exhaustion and he debated on staying awake multiple times but always ended up knocking out before he could decide. Aleks was in every single one of them, sometimes yelling his name, sometimes crying, sometimes just standing there in the darkness, watching him almost expectantly. 

 

‘Are you gonna come get me, James?’ 

 

When Lindsey came to wake him in the morning, James was wide awake. 

 

The sun was barely up, and he slowly began to gather his things in his bag listening to the familiar noises of sleepy feet and tired mumbling as his family began their trek downstairs, their voices too soft to make out any actual words. 

 

He turned his head away from the door, focusing on his hands again and almost robotically shoving the things he and Lindsey had deemed important to bring the day before into the backpack, swallowing thickly as he did. 

 

In 24 hours, he could be dead. Gone, not living, deceased, probably in Hell for all the things he’s done in his life. The thought was more astonishing than scary. 

 

In 24 hours, he could have Aleks back here, on Earth, with a start at a new life, a new life with James, a new life with his soulmate. 

 

In 24 hours, he could still be in Purgatory, with or without Aleks. 

 

In 24 hours...well, a lot could happen in 24 hours. 

 

When he finally made his way downstairs and into the living room everyone seemed to have woken up, a tense sort of silence filling the room as soon as he was there. He glanced around briefly for a moment, scanning everyone’s faces before he tilted his head back down, focusing on the way his shoes felt against the carpet before swinging his bag off of his shoulder and setting it down on the table, unzipping the top as Lindsey slowly approached him, a Bible pressed against her chest with her arms. 

 

“Let’s go over the steps one more time, yeah?” James ran his finger along the metal of the zipper for a moment, listening to the worry in her tone and knowing she was just procrastinating at this point before nodding slowly, lifting his gaze. 

 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, clearing his throat a bit. “Open the Bible on the table, that’s step one. Step two…” He reached into his bag, feeling around with his hand. “Take your cherished offering…” He lifted up a dingy teddy bear, smaller than he remembered in his palm. He turned it slowly in his hand, the memory of his mother giving it to him all those years ago still clear as day before he inhaled a slow breath. 

 

“Step three, cut open your palm. It’s crucial that you cling to your artifact with his hand…” He let his eyes wander from the stuffed toy in his hand to the pocket knife that was sitting on the table next to his bag, glinting slightly in the morning sunlight before he continued. “Step four, recite your wish to visit in Latin, and pray that you’re let in.” 

 

The silence grew immensely as James’ voice faded, and he grew very much aware of his rapidly accelerating heartbeat in his ears. He lifted his head slowly, letting his large brown eyes glance wearily around the room, meeting everyone’s faces before he swallowed again. 

 

“Look...I know everyone thinks this is dumb.” More silence, although Lindsey and Anna’s frowns seemed to deepen before James continued on. 

 

“And it is. It’s really dumb, and dangerous, and none of it makes sense to any of you...but it does to me.” He paused for a minute, struggling to find his words. “And absolutely nothing in my life has made sense until now.” He saw Brett shift slightly at that, sitting up a bit from his position against the wall and he could feel Joe’s eyes on his profile once more. 

 

“Seeing him, seeing Aleks in my sleep...it’s not like a dream. It’s like he’s on the other side of a giant wall of glass and I’m so close but I still can’t get to him. I’m constantly having the one thing that I’ve ever been sure of in my life dangled in front of me, only to have it taken away again, over and over and it’s exhausting.” 

 

He stopped for a moment, frowning to himself and tilting his head down, feeling everyone’s eyes upon him at once, his hand automatically going for the skin on his wrist, his thumb pressing gently into it before sighing softly. 

 

“I just have to try,” he said simply, letting out a small breath as he finished. “I’ve finally deemed myself worthy of a happy ending, and this seems like the only shot I have at it.” 

 

The silence was almost deafening now. James shifted nervously on his feet, keeping his head tilted down in fear of letting everyone see his face flush from the unwanted attention before he felt the familiar embrace of Joe’s arms around him, hugging him surprisingly tight for his size and getting a soft, surprised gasp out of James before he spoke. 

 

“You do whatever you have to do. You’ve been my best friend through all of the crazy shit I’d done; it’d be shitty of me not to do the same for you.” That got a smile out of James, and he felt the tension escape the room almost automatically as he wrapped his arms around his shoulder and hugged him back. 

 

“You’re right, it would,” he joked lightly, letting go and smiling wider as Joe smirked at that, taking a step back and letting go. 

 

It seemed to initiate some sort goodbye circle, and James found himself with his arms around each one of his friends, feeling his chest tighten slightly at all the good things they had to say, all the promises that he’d be back the next morning. 

 

Anna clung to his waist and stayed there for a moment, not saying anything but James could hear everything she wanted to just by the way she rested her head on his chest. She pulled away reluctantly, stepping back only so Lindsey could stare up at him, her shoulders rising and falling as she inhaled a deep breath. 

 

“Guess it’s now or never, huh?” James watched her quietly, his eyes only leaving her face as she slowly held out the Bible that had been in her arms, taking it gently from her hands. 

 

“Guess so,” he replied smoothly, looking down at the old book, running his thumb across the cover for a second before he lifted his head back up, meeting Lindsey’s watery gaze and miserable eyes. 

 

“Hey…” he murmured quietly, taking a step forward. Lindsey wasn’t looking at him anymore, her arms crossed over her chest and instead staring down at the floor, sniffling a bit as she closed her eyes. 

 

“What?” she asked, her voice wavering with unshed tears. James fell silent for a moment, deciding what exactly to say before he shifted the book onto one of his arms, holding it against his chest and extending his hand out slowly, his pinky sticking up in an open invitation to wrap her own with his. 

 

“I promise I’ll be back,” he said simply, and Lindsey lifted her head just in time for James to see tears begin to spill down her cheeks, giving him a faint smile in return before she lifted her own arm away from her body, sliding her pinky delicately around his own and squeezing gently, nodding a bit in response. 

 

“Good. Now let’s get you out of here.” 

 

James had never been scared of much. Heights, sometimes bugs, needles he wasn’t a huge fan of, but there wasn’t anything that made him sick with fear. 

 

But the way his stomach was churning now, the way he could feel his blood pumping through his ears and his palms begin to sweat was almost foreign to him. He watched Lindsey take the Bible from his hands and open it up again, setting it down on the table right next to the knife and he felt like he might throw up all over it. His head swayed slightly as he felt his backpack being put upon his shoulders, his teddy bear pressed into his hand, and he almost couldn’t hear Lindsey’s voice through the thick haze in his mind as she called out his name. 

 

“James?” He snapped his head back up, blinking his eyes quickly at her as she tilted her head to the side slightly, her throat moving slightly as she swallowed nervously. “You’re good to go.” 

 

He didn’t realize he’d nodded until he felt his knees hit the floor, sitting directly in front of the coffee table that everything was set on. He inhaled slowly, letting his eyes graze over the book and then fall upon the knife, reaching out and taking it slowly. He felt Lindsey’s eyes upon his profile, and stopped himself from looking back up at her one last time before he lifted his hand up, stretching his fingers slightly before running the sharp tip over his skin, holding back a wince as blood began to spill out. 

 

He set the knife down quickly on the page, turning his hand so that the cut wouldn’t drip onto anything before he grabbed his bear, squeezing it tightly and closing his eyes, sucking in a deep breath before he lost all of the courage he had within him. 

 

“Cum pars a me, ut aperiam tibi. Dimittite me, ut ultro insequuntur punctum.” 

 

Suddenly, it was like someone had turned the world on mute. Everything seemed to stop; James couldn’t even hear the sound of his own heartbeat anymore. He felt warm, almost pleasantly for a split second before it got hotter, all over his body like he’d been thrust into an oven against his will. He opened his eyes quickly, blinking in surprise at the emptiness that awaited him, feeling himself begin to pant and gasp for breath as it got harder to breathe. 

 

“Lindsey?” He opened his mouth but no words came out; his voice was gone, no noise coming from his open mouth whatsoever. The heat was almost unbearable now, and he couldn’t even scream about it. 

 

He squeezed his eyes shut again in an attempt to drown out the pain, his breathing speeding up as he struggled to move his hands, to move at all, to feel anything but the intense amount of pain that was sure his descent into hellfire. 

 

It stopped as quick as it ended; one second he was burning, the next he wasn’t. 

 

The only thing he could feel was the way his fingernails were digging into his thighs, probably bruising the skin beneath his jeans. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the way the air filled his lungs and he opened his eyes immediately, squinting in the sudden light that was there. 

 

He was in the middle of a street; a neighborhood one, it seemed like. Houses lined the edges, all of them separated by fences with equally small yards and identical driveways. The place was in a state of decay, the homes obviously abandoned with shattered windows and foliage growing across the brick like a green monster. 

 

The road didn’t look much better; abandoned cars were scattered like toys along the asphalt, with no rhyme or reason to their positions. James turned his head slowly, still panting slightly as he glanced around the area, pressing his palms onto the ground to push himself up to stand. 

 

Knees shaking slightly, he managed to get up and looked down at his body, holding out his arms to check for any damage. His body felt fine, slightly shaken up but at least his skin wasn’t melting off the bone like he’d previously imagined. 

 

His bag was still on his back, and at his feet were the Bible, knife and teddy bear, looking ashy and dirty but otherwise fine. He bent down, quickly slipping his backpack off his shoulder before he began to shove the things in, his mind still struggling to process everything. 

 

So...he’d made it. He wasn’t dead, he didn’t think, and this sure didn’t look like Hell but then again, how would he know? He zipped his bag back up and grabbed it by the handle, standing up to swing it back on when he heard a sudden booming sound, echoing from far away and creating a low rumble that almost resembled a monster. 

 

He froze up, suddenly very much aware of how loud his shoes were on the gravel and stopped moving his feet and turned his head instead. The noise was far off, but James squinted slightly at a small plume of what seemed like smoke in the distance, miles and miles away but still large enough for him to notice. 

 

He let out a slow breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his shoulders falling slightly as he relaxed his body a bit, the noise stopping. He turned his head again, this time moving his feet as he took notice of the house closest to him, one on his right with the driveway that led straight to where he was standing. James took a careful step forwards, his shoe barely making contact with the pavement before he heard the shrill ringing of a phone, seeming to come from inside the house. 

 

He frowned immediately, furrowing his brow in confusion as it paused for a second, then began ringing again, awaiting for its call to be answered. He shifted his bag on his back again, not knowing what else to do besides follow the noise before he hurried inside, suddenly very scared to know what would happen if he didn’t answer the call in time. 

 

He reached the door and jiggled the knob, instantly stepping back and yanking off all of the wild plants that had begun growing across it in an attempt to free the lock. He grabbed with his fingers and pulled, feeling his hands growing dirty and he tossed the ivy and moss behind him before he saw the lock, lifting his foot and kicking it sharply before it burst open. The ringing was getting louder, echoing amongst the walls of the house that looked even worse on the inside, no longer a home for humans but for whoever and whatever lived down here. 

 

James hurried towards the sound of the noise, stepping over broken glass and destroyed pieces of the house, large wooden frames and dismantled furniture that littered the ground like trash. He followed the ringing to what had once likely been the kitchen, tile floor now grimy with dirt and God knows what else, spotting an old corded phone hanging from one of the faded yellow walls before he rushed over and grabbed it off the hook. 

 

“Hello?” 

 

“James! Oh my God, you made it! You’re alive!” 

 

James had never been so pleased to hear Lindsey’s voice in his entire life, feeling relief wash through his body like a steady stream of warm water. He sighed softly, his eyes closing of their own accord as he flopped back against the wall carefully, his body relaxing as he did. 

 

“Jesus Christ…” was all he could muster out, lifting a hand to his face as he rubbed at his eyes with his fingers. “Thank God...wait, how are you even talking to me right now?”

 

Lindsey sounded almost impatient, and James could picture the look she was giving him straight through the phone. “That lady had this theory about contacting people back on Earth in that journal, I figured I’d try it out once you left and it worked. But enough about that!” James blinked at her tone, straightening up a bit as she barrelled on. “Where are you at? Have you seen anything yet?” 

 

James lifted his head, glancing around the room as he spoke. “Just in a house...it’s all run down, this whole place is, I ended up in a neighborhood…” His eyes glazed over the room, plants covering the walls and spreading into adjacent rooms, a table still standing with no chairs to match. To his left was a dirty fridge as well as a stove that had seen better days, all burnt up and charred black. 

 

“That doesn’t sound too bad. Look, the journal said that your surroundings may begin to look familiar; this place seems to hijack your memories, and not the good ones either. Just stay sharp and look for Aleks, he can’t be that far from you.” Lindsey’s voice sounded strangely far away, almost staticky over the phone as James caught sight of something in the next room, his breath immediately leaving his body. 

 

“Yeah…” James breathed out slowly, not really acknowledging what she’d said, and there was a pause on the other end of the line before she spoke again. 

 

“James? What is it?” James’ eyes were still locked, his mouth slightly open as he let out another breath and cleared his throat. 

 

“Nothing. I’ve got 24 hours, right?” He was already creeping his way towards the other room, the cord beginning to stretch out to follow him as Lindsey answered him. 

 

“Yeah, we’ve started a timer. You’ve already been there a full 15 minutes, there’s no time to waste.” James hummed vaguely at that, tilting his head to the side slightly as he approached the doorway. “Your body’s still here, it’s weird...just looks like you’re sleeping.” 

 

He stopped at that, finally tearing his eyes away from the other room before he spoke directly into the phone, his voice soft. “I’ll be back before you know it. Try and call me every few hours, if I’m near a phone I’ll pick up.” Lindsey sighed audibly, James smiling a bit at the thought of her exasperated face. “I pinky promised, remember?” 

 

There was a long beat of silence then, and then James heard her moving against the phone once more. “I know you did. Be careful, be safe.” 

 

James wasn’t sure what else to say, so he waited a few seconds until he heard the dull ringing of a dial tone in his ear as the call ended. He pulled the plastic phone away from his face, glancing down at it for a moment before he let it go, watching it fall onto the ground and bounce slightly on impact near his feet. He lifted his head once more, swallowing thickly as he peered into the dark room to his left once more before taking a step forward and moving inside. 

 

The sunlight from outside was spilling in through the little space that the curtains had been opened, and James went over and yanked them off of the rusted little hooks with ease. The fabric hit the floor with a dull thud, illuminating the room and making him squint his eyes as he turned back towards the thing that had caught his attention. 

 

A dark red stain on the wall, right next to one of the doorways that led out of here. It was small and mostly enclosed to one spot, save for a few splatters that went out in every direction along the edge of it. James inhaled another slow breath, taking a moment to turn his head and glance around the rest of the room, his stomach dropping horribly as he did. 

 

It didn’t really look that much different, save for all the plants and dirt that now resided in it. Everything was still there; the king sized bed, the wooden dresser against the wall, the vanity with the mirror that was now shattered all along the floor. James felt nauseated, piecing everything together in his head as he slowly turned on his heel, the sheer nostalgia hitting him like a battering ram as he pictured everything the way it had happened, the memory still fresh in his mind despite being almost 20 years old. 

 

_ “You stupid bitch, you never think, do you?!”  _

 

James could almost hear the voices perfectly, picture the way his mother was stumbling on the wooden floor and the way his father’s feet echoed, sending a shiver down his spine as he crossed back to the wall with the stain. 

 

_ “Stop it! Please, not in front of him, not in front of James!” _

 

He reached his fingertips out towards the wall, delicately touching the spot where his mother’s head had made contact with it. 

 

_ “He needs to see this! Needs to know how to treat a woman that DOES HIM WRONG!” _

 

The noise wasn’t something he’d ever forgotten, her skull hitting the wall not once, not twice, not even three times. James had stopped counting after that. 

 

Her body had hit the floor with a dull thud, and James had had enough sense in him even at the age of 8 to know to hide beneath the bed, his father too drunk to know where he’d gone and stumbling loudly outside of the house to start yelling his name instead. 

 

He’d crawled forward as soon as he’d heard the bedroom door shut, hands and knees scraping across the hardwood floor before he’d reached his mother, terrified to touch her bleeding face at all. He’d broken her nose, shattered part of her cheekbone, and one of her eyes was already swelling shut, her chest rising and falling, but barely. 

 

James lifted his hand from the wall and brought both of them to his face instead, rubbing deeply at his eyes as the memory stung his tear ducts. He swallowed thickly, sucking in a breath and holding it there for a few moments before letting it out, letting his hands fall limply back at his side. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop him,” he muttered quietly to no one, his voice barely audible in the large room. No one answered in return, his eyes going back to glance at the faded blood stain on the wall for a moment more before he suddenly felt sick again, averting his eyes and turning his head before walking out of the room entirely. 

 

His home still looked the same as it did during his childhood; it was as if God had pressed pause and let Mother Nature run her course over it for the time being. He kicked past broken furniture as he passed through the rest of the house, ending up in his bedroom on the other side. 

 

James could still see his few toys strewn across the floor, buried beneath rubble and dirt and smashed beyond repair. His bed was still against the wall in the corner, the blankets missing but the mattress still there. His bookshelf was falling apart, all of the books he’d spent reading beneath the safety of his bed with a flashlight strewn across the floor in disarray. 

 

It had been years since he’d thought about this place, since he’d thought of his mom and even longer for his dad. His face still occasionally showed up in nightmares, along with his loud voice that still made James sick to his stomach, but he didn’t count that. Not really. 

 

There was another sound from outside that interrupted his thoughts, a low rumbling that sounded like thunder from far away. James crossed the room to the window, peering through the broken glass to see the dark horizon in the distance, the noise coming from there and the angry looking clouds that accompanied it. 

 

Considering that James only had the clothes on his back to work with, he didn’t think getting them soaked with rain would be the best idea. Kicking through the rest of the window with his foot, he climbed through the frame quickly and landed on his feet, turning his gaze towards the opposite side of the rain and to where he’d heard the other noises earlier. It seemed fairly safe; the stuff that had resembled smoke was nowhere to be found now, and he felt his stomach churn nervously at how much time he had just wasted in the house, walking around. 

 

James jogged to the road again, turning his back to the house and never looking back, his hair still seeming to stand on end from the encounter with an old memory no matter how much he rubbed at his arms. 

 

The trek wasn’t hard; all he had to do was dance his way around the broken down cars. He felt almost uneasy at how there was no other people t be found, not even any remains of them left behind, like they’d all vanished in an instant. He figured that these people must’ve gone to Heaven; at least, he’d hoped. Then again, this was all in his head, wasn’t it? His body was still very much on Earth, his sleeping form being constantly watched over by his friends. He could almost feel the way Lindsey must’ve been holding onto his hand. 

 

Nothing made sense, and it was infuriating. James stopped once he reached the entrance to the neighborhood, coming to a crossroads and turning his head to glance at each direction. He spotted another plume of smoke in the distance, to his left, and he almost turned to go the other way before his tattoo began to burn again, white hot and painful and he gasped in shock, lifting up his sleeve as if trying to catch it in the act. 

 

Aleks’ name was still there, scrawled across his skin in messy handwriting. He frowned a bit at it, sighing softly before he lifted his head and gazed wearily down the long road. 

 

“Okay, Aleks…” he murmured softly, slowly dropping his arm back down to his side before he began walking again. “Whatever you say.” 

 

There were more cars on this road, although more spaced out than before. James figured it was a highway, although not one he recognized from his old home in Colorado. The sun was bright but not too hot, and the silence was still uneasy but slightly relaxing as he walked, listening to the sound of his own footsteps against the asphalt. 

 

He didn’t run into anything for awhile, eyes still fixated on the smoke in the distance, growing larger as time passed before he felt his foot make contact with something, nearly slipping in the process. He stumbled backwards, managing to catch his balance again before he looked down, squinting at a bring orange pill bottle at his feet. 

 

James knelt down slowly, fingers wrapping themselves around the plastic before standing up, physically feeling his face drain of color as he read the label on them. 

 

They were made out to him; Oxycodone, an entire bottle filled with a round white pills. James frowned deeply, holding the plastic in between his thumb and index fingers, his heart rate speeding up out of nowhere. 

 

The memory was still fresh; it had only been a little over a year ago, anyway. 

 

He could still feel the feeling of cold water being drenched onto his face, the feeling of his back making contact with the porcelain tub and Lindsey was screaming at him. 

 

_ “Don’t do do that, James! Don’t you fucking dare die on me!” _

 

James lifted his eyes from the bottle and let them wander again, glancing to the left at the vast array of grass in front of him, a space that wasn’t decaying like the rest of the world was. 

 

_ “Wake up, please James…” _

 

He stepped forward, suddenly eager to see the rest of the field, quickly stepping off the road and into the thick plants, feeling the grass brush against his legs as he sped up slightly, the memory seeming to get a little louder in his ears. 

 

_ “You promised me! You told me you wouldn’t do it and then you swallowed down this entire bottle!”  _

 

He squeezed the pills tighter in his hands, feeling the plastic of the lid beginning to cut into his palm as he sped up again, almost jogging towards nowhere in particular, not sure what he was even trying to find. His heart was pounding faster than ever, hitting his ribcage almost painfully with each breath he took. 

 

_ “WAKE UP!” _

 

He swung his arms in front of him, pushing through a particularly large patch of grass that was in his way before stumbling into a clearing, his eyes widening in shock as he saw his own body in front of him, crumbled up into a heap in the middle of the dirt, face down and unmoving. 

 

James felt sick again, his body refusing to move from its spot on the edge, his mind running as he struggled to figure out what to do. That was him, that was him a little over a year ago, his clothes soaked with water from a shower that wasn’t there and his body in a state of disarray, unconscious and not breathing. 

 

He turned away immediately, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his hands up to his face, throwing the bottle down into the dirt with disgust before pressing his palms into his eyes again once more, desperately trying to slow down his breathing as best as he could. 

 

“You’re not dead, you didn’t do it…” he whispered to himself, swallowing down bile at the memory that was trying so hard to scratch its way up to the surface. “Lindsey talked you out of it...you made the pinky promise to her…” 

 

His knees were shaking again, his chest aching painfully as he remembered his first attempt, as he remembered Lindsey’s cold hands on his face when she’d found him face down in his bed and had dragged him into the bathroom, screaming for help in the middle of the night as she’d gotten him into the shower. He could still hear her sobs, her voice begging him to wake up, fingers in his mouth as she’d tried her hardest to get him to throw up. 

 

James inhaled another shaky sigh, feeling his eyes sting with tears again as he kept them shut, dropping his hands slowly. 

 

He could hear gagging now, coughing loud and echoing amongst the plot of land he was on, He turned quickly, watching himself roll onto his stomach and prop himself up on his knees, heaving everything that had been in his system out again, his arms trembling from the sheer ferocity of it all. 

 

James blinked slowly, watching this other person that looked just like him finishing vomiting, head hanging limply over the ground for a moment as he struggled to catch his breath, spitting onto the ground again before he sat up on his knees, his hair having fallen from his bun and dripping water down his back and chest, staring blankly at nothing in particular in front of him, mouth open slightly as he breathed unevenly.

 

He almost wanted to reach out, to tell this person that might be his past self, or might just be a memory...that it gets better. That his pinky promise to Lindsey directly after this still wasn’t broken, that he hadn’t had a suicidal thought in weeks and that the soulmate he thought he was never going to find was alive, or at least he hoped so. 

 

James wanted to say a million things to him, but when he blinked to clear away the tears in his eyes, the other man was gone. The dirt space he had been in was empty, and the pill bottle he’d thrown on the ground in anguish had disappeared entirely. 

 

The silence that had accompanied him on his walk here was now back, ringing in his ears with a dull sort of buzzing noise. His heart was still racing, his chest aching slightly from what he’d just witnessed and James stood there for a few moments more, staring idly at the clearing before his tattoo began to sting again, although this time he didn’t flinch. 

 

The thunder seemed to have gotten closer despite the distance he had travelled, and James silently cursed himself for getting distracted again, shoving his still shaking hands into the pockets of his jacket before he hurried back through the grass and out to the highway again, looking back at the looming storm in the distance only for a second before back in front of him, back to the horizon that Aleks had told him to go to. 

 

He wasn’t too sure, but it felt like he spent a few hours walking on that road. He didn’t run into anything else to distract him, keeping his gaze focused on the road ahead of him and the occasional sting of Aleks’ name on his skin. The thunder was still loud but kept its distance, and James kept a steady paced as the road eventually died out, leading into a desecrated city with dust, not smoke, billowing from it, buildings crumbling right in front of James’ eyes. 

 

The sound resembled thunder, and James hadn’t been able to differentiate the difference between rubble cascading down onto the ground and the violent storm in the distance behind him. He reached the edge of the city, glancing uneasily at the giant piles of concrete scattered like dust along the road, feeling his heart leap into his throat and make it harder to breathe. The sound had stopped, the buildings that still stood towering awkwardly up into the sky, the sun still bright and clouds mostly absent. 

 

He took a deep breath, inhaling through his nose and letting it fill his lungs, closing his eyes for a second before murmuring to himself. 

 

“I’m coming, Aleks.” 

 

It isn’t until the sun is starting it’s descent into the sky that James sees him again. 

 

And this time it’s different; this time Aleks is farther away, frame silhouetted against the surprisingly blue sky and his back is turned towards him. He’s still in the same bloodied up clothes from his nightmares, and his hands are resting on his sides like he’s unsure of what to do with them, like any sort of movement around him would be cause for him to throw them up and defend himself. 

 

It’s overwhelming and weird and for a moment, he’s scared to meet him. 

 

James was suddenly very aware of the sound of his shoes against the deteriorating gravel sidewalk and he quickly froze in place, his feet scraping slightly against the rubble as he stopped, holding his breath as he watched Aleks freeze up slightly, glancing around uneasily before turning slowly on his heel and meeting James’ gaze. 

 

Oh, his eyes. 

 

James had never taken the time in his life to appreciate brown eyes, despite the fact that he had them as well. But these were different; these had the power to do whatever they wanted. The power to kill, the power to love, the intensity was endless within them and James felt like he’d die right then and there if he dared to break contact. His breath was caught in his throat like an animal trapped in a net, fighting restlessly to break free but James’ lungs seemed to have forgotten how to function. 

 

James was only semi aware of a noise to his left, the sound of yet another building slowly beginning to crumble, raining rocks and debris down onto the streets, and Aleks seemed to debate with himself for a few seconds before his curiosity (or maybe it was anxiety) got the best of him and he broke away, turning his head to glance at the building for a moment before turning back to James, his Adam’s Apple bobbing slightly as he swallowed thickly. 

 

“Are you dead?” Aleks’ voice hung in the air uncomfortably, like moisture on a humid day. It was miserable and beautiful all at once, and his words echoed slightly amongst the dilapidated ruins of the town James still didn’t recognize, in another place very far away from here. He remained silent for a moment, still refusing to let his eyes leave Aleks’ in the fear that if he did, the invisible hands that were clenching onto his heart within his chest would let go and leave him feeling empty again. 

 

“I sure hope not,” he managed back weakly, his own voice sounding foreign to him. Aleks shifted his weight slightly between the two of his feet, still staring uneasily back at James, apparently not convinced by his answer. James somehow managed to suck in a deep breath through his nose, allowing his head to clear slightly from the haziness that had suddenly overtaken it before he took a tentative step forward. 

 

“I didn’t kill myself to get here, if that’s what you’re asking,” he began slowly, watching as Aleks seemed to stiffen up slightly at his movement but remained in place nevertheless. “There was this...ritual we did to get me here.” He paused, debating on taking another step towards him before moving his foot forward. 

 

“My friends and I…” he clarified, watching as Aleks remained still on the other side of the street. “We did some research, figured out you were here...and I wanted to come back and get you.”

 

Aleks’ face changed then, scrunching up slightly in disbelief as he furrowed his brow and frowned at him, making James freeze in his tracks in the middle of the road. He fidgeted slightly with his hands on either side of his body, running his thumb along his fingertips as Aleks blinked slowly, shaking his head. 

 

“No…” he murmured slowly, tilting his head down to stare at the ground beneath him. 

 

“That...that doesn’t make sense. You can’t be here...I’m dead. Well...not quite yet, but I’m on my way.” He lifted his head again and caught James’ eye, staring him down with such intensity that for a moment James felt his knees begin to buckle. 

 

“You can’t get me out; I’m stuck here. That’s the whole point of Purgatory, isn’t it?” His tone descresendoed into sadness then, his voice lilting almost musically before he tilted his head to the side, giving James a pained sort of look, diluting his face with misery. “I’m sorry, James.”

 

James felt the air leave his lungs instantly, like someone had punched him swiftly in the gut with no warning. Hearing Aleks say his name out loud was almost musical, was like rain in the middle of a drought, a lifeboat in the middle of an ocean you’d been stuck drowning in for so long. 

 

He let the heavy silence fill the air again, weighing down upon the both of them like a blanket that suffocated instead of comforted. He breathed again, slower this time, letting his shoulders rise and fall with gentle movement as he studied Aleks’ face, pressing his lips together slightly. 

 

He pulled his sleeve back carefully, starting from his wrist and yanking up over his tattooed arm, rough fabric brushing across his tanned skin before he gathered it up at the crease of his elbow, lifting his arm up and holding up his wrist, revealing the perfectly centered name on his wrist. 

 

“I’m not leaving my soulmate behind, Aleks.” 

 

James watched as he seemed to deflate then, shoulders slumping forward almost immediately as he let his mouth open to let out a shaky breath. 

 

He let his hand fall slowly, keeping silent as Aleks seemed to forget all of his hesitation as he began walking forward, his steps heavy and loud against the gravel. 

 

The closer he got, the tighter those invisible hands around his heart clenched. Every detail he took in was like another fingernail clawing its way into the muscle, hurting him but not enough for him to stop looking. James let his large eyes roam over his profile, taking in his pale, imperfect skin and the slight curve of his nose. The closer he got the more he could see, like he was fixing the magnification in a microscope. 

 

He was beautiful. That’s all he could say about Aleks, really. 

 

His eyes were facing downward but his long eyelashes were casting shadows along his cheeks, visible in the cloudy sunlight that had started to overtake the sky above them. His lips were turned down into a slight frown, a complentative frown, soft and pink and tender and gentle. 

 

His skin was pale but dirty, bits of dirt and flecks of blood splattered across his face like a Pollock painting, giving him a sense of etherealness that James couldn’t detect before, not when he’d been so far away. 

 

The distance was closed between the two of them before Aleks could even look up. When he finally did James was a few inches away from him, their shoes nearly touching and when Aleks’ eyes met his own James felt like an electric shock was sent down his spine, going through him like a wave and keeping him still. His body felt immobile, like Aleks had the power of Medusa in his stare and James was a helpless victim. 

 

Except, he had known exactly what he was walking into. 

 

He’d known Aleks was going to have this hold on him. 

 

He’d somehow found a way to James from here, from the place between Heaven and Hell that no one had escaped from and no one had really tried, and James was almost positive that no one had made it there without dying, but maybe he was dead back at home. 

 

Maybe Lindsey was hovering over his lifeless body, and Joe was crying over his dead best friend, and everyone was mourning and someone was planning on how to tell his mom and she’d be heartbroken because James had done this to himself, had gone to Purgatory to save his soulmate that he’d never actually meant but was willing to put his life on the line for. 

 

And for the first time in his life, he was okay with the prospect of dying. 

 

Because if it was with Aleks, even death couldn’t be that bad. 

 

James’ heart was pounding loudly in his ears now, his own blood drowning out any sort of sounds going on around them. All he could focus on was Aleks, with his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised, mouth slightly open as he kept his gaze fixated back onto him, his own chest rising and falling rapidly in the corner of James’ eye. 

 

For a moment, James just watched the way his eyes glistened slightly, his unfallen tears holding more meaning than all the words that were failing to come from each of the men’s mouths. 

 

Aleks’ fingertips brushed against the inside of his hand, ghosting along the tanned, tattooed skin like a breeze from an ocean before before his pale fingers slid their way around his wrist, gripping gently. 

 

“I won’t let you stay here and kill yourself for me.” Aleks’ voice was barely above a whisper, trembling like a leaf and accompanied with a single tear that slipped down his cheek in such a way James was almost convinced that he was an angel and somehow this was Heaven. 

His frown had deepened slightly, taken on a miserable look that made the aching in his chest worsen. 

 

Aleks’ fingers were clasped around the tattoo of his name, and James was silently relieved to find that his skin wasn’t burning anymore. He tilted his head down slightly, glancing at the color difference between their arms before he looked back up, scanning his face carefully. 

 

“I made it here, didn’t I?” he retorted calmly, watching Aleks’ brow furrow slightly before he continued. “I’m halfway done...now I just have to find my way out, and take you with me.” 

 

Aleks wasn’t looking at him anymore; his eyes were glued to the tattoo of his own name on James’ wrist, analyzing it carefully with those dark eyes of his and if he heard James at all, he didn’t respond. James fell silent, studying his profile as he felt Aleks run his thumb gently along his skin, as if trying to make sure the writing was real. 

 

“I don’t know how I knew your name before,” he began carefully, lifting his head up and meeting his gaze, shoving anything James had been thinking of saying back down his throat. “When you found me a few days ago, after I touched you and this happened…” His eyes flickered down to the tattoo as a gesture before looking up again. “...I didn’t know you. I’d never seen you before in my life, but I was still screaming your name like you’d help me.” He pressed his lips together slightly, narrowing his eyes a bit not in an angry way but a sort of...lost one. 

 

James watched him quietly as Aleks lifted his own hand up, holding it so the palm was facing James’ face and he felt his breath leave his body, draining from his lungs like water in a bathtub. 

 

James’ name was there, scrawled in a slightly messy black font across his pale skin, stretched perfectly across so that it was centered on his hand. He felt his heart rate already beginning to speed up as Aleks lowered it back down slowly, still holding his gaze. 

 

“That was there after you left. When I grabbed for your wrist…” His voice faltered off slightly, unspoken words dying off into the inexhaustible silence that surrounded them. 

 

He was Aleks’ soulmate too. The tiny part of his brain that had been screaming at him since his first nightmare that Aleks didn’t reciprocate, that James was being played by a dead man had suddenly vanished. He wasn’t doing all of this just for himself now; it was returnable, a two way street. 

 

And if James loved Aleks the way he did, that meant that Aleks loved him back just the same. 

 

It was overwhelming and frightening and amazing and wonderful all at once, and James could do nothing but blink stupidly at him in response for a few seconds, oblivious to the way Aleks was staring at him now. 

 

His head was tilted slightly to the side, his dirty blonde hair falling in his eyes and his face was relaxed now, more relaxed than James had ever seen it before. His eyes were soft, holding a sort of palpable energy to them that James could only define as electric. He could almost hear it buzzing between them, giving him goosebumps that seemed almost permanent. 

 

The distance between them was still nearly closed, and James felt himself swallow thickly as Aleks took a step forward and finished the job, their bodies only inches away from each other now. 

 

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, strangling him slightly like hands wrapped around his windpipe and Aleks wasn’t stopping, showed absolutely no intent and James didn’t want him to. 

 

There was another beat, and James watched from the corner of his eye as Aleks lifted a dirty, pale hand, reaching forward and touching his face so delicately James almost believed it wasn’t real. His fingertips were softer than the wind, as gentle as what he believed an Angel’s touch would feel like. He slowly dragged them down across his face, scraping through his beard like they were meant to do just that, and James tried but failed at hiding the shiver that slide down his spine then. 

 

It was fear, and pleasure, and excitement all rolled into one feeling, and James couldn’t ever remember feeling this way on Earth. 

 

He had a thoughtful look in his eyes, his beautiful brow furrowed slightly as he gazed at James’ face, as if sizing him up to be sent off into battle. He scanned his face carefully, taking in all of his features before meeting James’ once more, his fingers dragging almost lazily against his face, taking their time to trail through his beard. 

 

And then, as soon as they’d come, they were gone.

 

“What was that?” James’ head was spinning slightly, and he blinked a couple times before he realized Aleks had spoken and was pulling away, his body already aching for his touch again. 

 

“What was w-“ He felt Aleks start suddenly, bumping against his chest as he jumped and he nearly stumbled backward before Aleks whipped his head around, and James looked up just in time to see the way the sun was casting a shadow on him now, darkening part of his face as clouds that seemed to appear out of nowhere began to gather across the sky. 

 

“Oh no…” Aleks breathed slowly, and James could hear the dread dripping from his voice. 

 

He would’ve spoken again, would’ve urged Aleks to speak and tried to figure out why he suddenly sounded like he was about to witness his death first hand but everything was happening so fast, feeling like a rug had been pulled from underneath his feet and the sudden noise of something cracking snapped him from his thoughts. 

 

Aleks was quick; his grip on James’ hand was tight and he could almost feel the man’s worries seeping through his skin and into his bloodstream, could sense the way that he knew what was about to ensue and when James felt his arm being yanked to the left, his feet followed him without thinking, slipping slightly on the jagged ground beneath him. 

 

Aleks took off running, away from the buildings and away from the city in general, his sneakers kicking up dust as he did, his grip never loosening from James’ hand. The noises were getting louder, a combination of what sounded like thunder and a bomb going off, seeming to thicken the air with their noise. 

 

They reached the edge of a forest and kept going, Aleks leaping over tree roots and rocks with a new sort of haste, one that James wasn’t sure he’d seen in anyone before. His palm was sweating against James’ own and he instinctively tightened the grip on his hand as he kept running behind the blonde boy, both of them breathing quickly in unison. 

 

When the noises had stopped and they couldn’t see the crumbling remains of the city any longer, Aleks finally stopped. He quickly dropped James’ hand and took a deep breath, leaning against one of the trees and pressing his palm to his chest while closing his eyes, his breathing still heavy as he seemed to focus on something for a moment. James kept his mouth shut, struggling to catch his own breath as Aleks stood there for a few moments, his dark eyes looking cloudy and unfocused for a split second before they flickered back to James’ face. 

 

“I didn’t feel it that time…” he said slowly, as if trying to taste the words coming from his mouth. James blinked slowly, scanning his face carefully as he stood a few feet away. 

 

“Feel what?” he asked tentatively, unsure if he even wanted to know the answer. Aleks didn’t respond, instead dropping his hand from his chest and letting his arm fall to his side, and James could see the way he slowly clenched and unclenched his hand at his side for a moment. 

 

“The burning,” he said simply, his eyes staying glued to James’ own. His words hung listlessly in the air, dead like a spirit that didn’t make to Heaven, hanging there for eternity. James frowned deeply at him, racking his brain for something to say when another crack of thunder shattered his thoughts. Aleks looked up again, but this time the panic that had overtaken him before wasn’t plastered like a mask on his face. He tilted his head back down and James’ eyes instantly gravitated back to his gaze, watching as he nodded his head to his left. 

 

“Come on, let’s get inside before the rain comes.” James blinked again, raising an eyebrow in confusion but Aleks didn’t seem bothered, instead turning on his heel and begging to jump down from the ledge of rocks they’d been standing on, the forest getting thicker the further he walked. 

 

James didn’t have time to debate following him and really, he didn’t want to. He’d follow Aleks to the ends of the earth, would go to Heaven and Hell and...well, Purgatory for this man. He quickly leapt after him, finding it easy to follow his blonde head as it weaved its away in between branches and trees and the thick, green foliage of the forest that was surprisingly beautiful. He wasn’t sure if this particular setting came from his own mind or Aleks; frankly, it didn’t seem like anything he remembered, and from the way Aleks was maneuvering through it, he figured there was some emotional attachment to it. 

 

The air was thick with moisture and James could feel sweat beginning to drip down his temple when they finally reached what Aleks had been talking about; a house. A cabin, really; it was nestled deep into the forest, surrounded by a cluster of pine trees, something straight from a movie. James stopped a few feet away, watching in slight awe as Aleks quickly leapt his way down some rocks and towards what he realized was the front door, yanking down foliage that had begun growing over it before beginning to fiddle with the knob. 

 

He opened his mouth to speak, to ask if he needed help but all that came out was a loud yelp as a sudden downpour of rain began to fall, soaking him almost instantly and shocking him awake like an electric bolt. 

 

He heard Aleks curse loudly, and even amongst the loud thunder could hear him jiggling hastily at the lock, eager to get it open. James quickly ran forward, nearly slipping on the now slick rocks in the process as he made it onto the tiny porch, huddling himself beneath the small portico and trying not to focus on how close to Aleks he was. 

 

Aleks didn’t seem to mind; he was still focused on getting the door open, pulling something from his backpack and shoving it into the keyhole, moving it around with some sort of crazy precision that James couldn’t quite keep up with before he gave a contended hum, pushing the door open quickly before leaping inside. 

 

“Come on, hurry!” James didn’t have to be told twice, hurrying in behind him and sighing in relief, closing his eyes for a moment as Aleks shut the door behind them, locking it quickly. 

 

“Thanks…” James opened his eyes again, feeling water begin to drip from his eyelashes onto his cheeks as he let his gaze focus back on Aleks, who hadn’t seemed to have heard him at all. He was at the front window, pulling back the destroyed curtains that had once covered the glass to peek outside, his brow furrowing slightly and a slight frown upon his lips as he stared for a few seconds, finally seeming to deem it safe before he slowly took a step back, turning his head to give James an absent minded glance before turning back, humming in response. 

 

“Don’t mention it…” he mumbled, still not completely focused on him. James fell silent, choosing not to feel offended by it and instead shivered a bit, realizing that in the speed of things his hands had gone up to grip the sides of his arms in an effort to keep warm from the freezing rain. 

 

Aleks finally seemed to notice him, turning his head from the window again and letting his eyes roam James’ body for a minute, scanning him up and down before turning to face him. 

 

“I think there’s some old clothes here...well, there should be. Hopefully they still are.” James watched as he quickly crossed the room, footsteps heavy and echoing against the worn hardwood floors as he disappeared through a doorway. The feeling of being alone in this creepy house, no matter how much it shielded him from the rain outside, made James feel slightly squirmy and he tried his hardest not to run after him, forcing himself to take his time and follow him out. 

 

He found him at the end of the hallway, halfway sticking out of a doorway as he shifted through piles of junk and clothes in what seemed like a closet, his blonde head bobbing amongst the darkness. James finally realized there was no light, although the constantly flashing from the storm outside was enough to keep things well lit, at least for now. He stopped a few feet away, rubbing his palms against his arms for lack of something else to do, trying his hardest to warm his shivering body up before breaking the silence.

 

“What did you mean earlier?” Aleks didn’t stop digging through the closet, but the way his body stiffened up for a split second let James know he’d heard him. James chewed lightly on his lip, taking in the way his muscles moved beneath his shirt before he spoke again. 

 

“The burning…” he continued slowly, still watching his frame. “What burning?” 

 

There was a few seconds of silence, only broken by Aleks turning slightly on his heel, shoes scraping against the hardwood as he held a stack of towels in his arms, his dark eyes fixated beneath him. James watched him stare at the ground for a moment before they flickered up to meet his face, a new sort of dismal demeanor clouding them. James swallowed carefully, refusing to break his gaze as Aleks’ thumbs ran agitatedly against the fabric of the towels, his brow furrowed slightly as if he were debating something in his head. 

 

“Here.” James barely saw the towel coming and caught it just before it hit his face, blinking in surprise as Aleks tossed it idly his way. “Dry off, I’ll find you some clothes.” James hurriedly pulled the towel from his face, just in time to see Aleks’ blonde head disappearing through the doorway, his footsteps heavy and echoing amongst the empty house. 

 

The guilt felt like ice water running through his veins, and he blames that for the way he suddenly felt like he couldn’t move, his body frozen in place and his feet glued to the floor, holding limply onto the towel in his arms. He could hear Aleks moving throughout the cabin, doors opening and closing as he floated in between rooms and James finally managed to break his reverie, drying off his face and hair that had been uncomfortably dripping down his back. 

 

He found himself slowly leaving the hallway and making his way into what seemed like the living room, drying off his tattooed arms as he walked. There were lights on now but they were dim, like they hadn’t been used in years, and all of the furniture had a thin layer of dust residing on it, giving it a dismal sort of look. 

 

There was another crack of thunder outside and James looked up quickly, glancing out the window at the heavy rain beating against the glass, loud and chaotic and just the right amount of noise to mask the noise of Aleks walking in behind him, standing in the doorway and staring at him for a few seconds before walking to his left, setting a pile of clothes down on the couch. 

 

“These should fit,” he murmured quietly, making James jump slightly before he turned around quickly, blinking in surprise but somehow managing to nod in response, glancing down at the clothes. 

 

“Thank you,” he added hastily, reaching down and picking up the shirt at the top of the pile, running his thumb along the fabric carefully. 

 

Aleks didn’t respond, instead letting his gaze linger a few seconds too long on his face before he walked back to the kitchen, disappearing through the doorway again and James let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his shoulders slumping slightly as he did. 

 

Exhaustion was beginning to seep into his bones, clouding his mind and making him yawn and he vaguely remembered Lindsey’s voice from that morning, warning him that he had to get rest at some point if he wanted to make it out of there alive. He felt like he’d aged years since then, and it had only been a few hours. 

 

He had managed to change into sweatpants and was halfway finished with peeling his soaked shirt off of his skin when he sensed Aleks coming back in behind him, barely having time to turn his head before he heard him speak. 

 

“The scars on your back.” He said it as more of a statement than observation, and James blinked idly at him for a few seconds in confusion, his arms halfway out of his shirt and his chest and stomach exposed as he stared at him, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“What about them?” he finally managed out, thanking God that his voice sounded a hundred times better than what he was feeling, his heart pounding uncomfortably against his ribcage as Aleks merely stared back at him, his face almost expressionless. 

 

“What are they from?” Oh, so it was his turn to ask personal questions. James fell silent, deciding to focus on getting his shirt off and changing into the one Aleks had provided for him, quickly running his towel over his chest and back before pulling it over his head, careful not to let it touch his wet hair. It was slightly baggy but otherwise fit perfectly, and he stared down at it for a moment before lifting his head back up, glancing wearily at Aleks. 

 

“My father,” he said simply, and a look of something that resembled guilt flashed across Aleks’ face. James averted his eyes and reached up to his hair, pulling his hair tie from his bun and letting soaked curls fall against the back of his shirt. He reached down and grabbed the towel again, wrapping it around his hair and squeezing with his palms to get as much water out as he could before he continued speaking. 

 

“One time when I was a kid, probably 8 or so...I saw him beating on my mom. Wasn’t something out of the ordinary, but this time...I don’t know, I just got really mad, and I couldn’t hold it in.” Aleks was silent, watching him from the doorway with that same furrowed brow and frown. 

 

“I yelled at him, told him I didn’t like him doing that and he had no right and I tried to hit him back, give him a taste of his own medicine.” James paused, hand still twisted around his hair for a moment before he pulled the towel away, dropping his hands and letting it fall onto the coffee table in front of him. 

 

“He got really quiet, the kind of quiet that you get when you’re pissed. He took me to the kitchen, and told me to get him his cigarettes. My mom was terrified, standing in the doorway begging my dad not to do anything, and I brought them back to him and thought I was in the clear because he just sat down and lit one.” 

 

James felt himself shift uncomfortably in his spot at the memory, arching his back slightly as he pursed his lips a bit, glancing back up at Aleks. 

 

“He pulled me over, lifted up the back of my shirt and pressed it into my skin. And every time I cried or screamed, he’d do it again. Only took me a few times to get the message.” 

 

There was a silence then that even the rain couldn’t drown out, filling up every bit of space in that room. Aleks was speechless, staring at him with those dark eyes and deep frown, his arms hanging listlessly at his side. James tapped his fingers against his thighs, his body slightly restless as his mind reeled from the memory. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Aleks’ voice sounded almost numb, like he’d had no idea what to say to that so he’d chosen the safest route. James shrugged in response, his shoulders aching in response. 

 

“It was a long time ago. Besides, I was just answering your question.” Aleks’ face seemed hurt only for a split second, his regular emotionless demeanor taking back over so quickly that James might’ve imagined it entirely. James leaned down and picked up his wet clothes, kicking off his soaked shoes to peel off his socks. 

 

He heard Aleks’ shoes shuffle against the floor and stood back up just in time to hear him speak again. 

 

“Here, I can take those for you…” James watched him extend his pale arms towards him for a moment before he pulled the clothes back to his chest. 

 

“I’ll find it,” he murmured in response, letting his eyes linger for a moment more on his face. Aleks inhaled slowly through his nose, his shoulders rising slightly as he did. For a moment James could read every single emotion in his eyes, swimming beneath the surface like fish in an ocean, threatening to come up but never coming close enough. 

 

Finally, he gave a small nod and stepped to the side, dipping his head and staring at the ground. James tightened his grip slightly around his clothes before stepping forward, bare feet tapping lightly against the floor before he disappeared through the doorway and began walking, eager to get as far away from Aleks as he possibly could. 

 

He took his time, letting his feet fall methodically as he glanced through doorways, his mind running a mile a minute as he did. His wrist ached slightly, burning his skin as he opened a door towards the back of the house, the dim lighting from the hallway illuminating a laundry room. He sighed softly, staring at the older metal machines in front of him before taking the couple of steps down into the room, the ever present lightning from outside illuminating the room enough for him to make it to the dryer. 

 

He knelt down onto the floor, running his hand along the cold metal and letting his finger catch against the handle, pulling it slightly and swinging the door open to his left. James took his free hand and lifted up his wet clothes, heavy with rainwater and tossed them inside, a dull thud filling the silence for a moment as they hit the drum. 

 

He pushed the door back shut, his tanned fingers clashing with the faded white color of the machine before he stood back up, knees aching slightly in response. He squinted slightly, dark eyes scanning the panel of buttons in front of him before he twisted a knob and pushed against it, listening to the dryer roar to life as his clothes began to bash themselves against the sides of the drum. 

 

James stood there for a moment, letting his hands drop back down to his side and flickering his eyes back up to the window, watching a particular stream of water running against the pane when his reverie was shattered. 

 

“It’s in my chest.” James jumped slightly, sucking in a shallow breath before turning on his heel, his wet hair following his motion and whipping around to hit his face, his cheek growing wet as it did. 

 

Aleks was in the doorway, standing there with his hands at his side, and James could see the way his fingers were clenching and unclenching slightly at his thighs, his thumbs running against the sides of his jeans. It was still dark, the lights still off and James could only see Aleks’ face through the brief flashes of lighting that came through the window like cameras on a red carpet. His face seemed to read a different emotion each time, and James found himself struggling to keep up. 

 

Aleks didn’t seem to notice the lack of lighting; frankly, it didn’t seem to bother him at all. He stared at James for a few moments more before taking a careful step down into the room, his feet still in shoes and tracking dirt on the dingy carpet beneath him. 

 

“The burning…” He took another step down, and James watched as he raised a pale hand and placed it on top of his chest, palm pressed against the front of his rib cage. “It happens in my chest.” 

 

James frowned deeply, staying put in front of the washing machine and dryer as Aleks continued to step forward, taking his time as he did. 

 

“When things like this happen...the storms, buildings collapsing…” He let his voice trail off for a second, and James watched the way his Adam’s Apple bobbed slightly as he swallowed before speaking again. “It doesn’t just hurt the environment. It hurts the things that are in it.” 

 

James felt like his own chest might be burning now, listening to Aleks’ words that held such a weight to them even if he didn’t quite understand. He watched in silence as Aleks dropped his hand slowly from his chest, crossing the rest of the room to stand in front of James, his face only a foot or so away. His shoes were touching the tips of James’ socked toes, and he was so aware of the feeling that he didn’t notice Aleks lean inward, his lips making a beeline to hover over and whisper in his ear. 

 

“I think I might be falling apart, right along with this world.” His voice was hoarse but clear, a combination James wasn’t familiar with but utterly fascinated by. “Purgatory wasn’t made to sustain life...I’m not gonna last much longer here.” His breath was hot against his face, swarming like soft tendrils against his cheek and when he pulled away James could do nothing but blink at him in response, his mouth slightly agape at the sudden raw confession that had come from out of nowhere.

 

Aleks was still frowning slightly, his brow furrowed almost sadly as he stared back at James, his face contorted with what seemed like fear and anxiety. He swallowed again, the pale skin of his throat moving again as he did and James felt like his head was spinning now, the rain outside seeming to get louder and the lightning seeming to get brighter. 

 

James inhaled slowly, managing to close his mouth and swallow roughly himself before he let his breath out, shoulders falling slightly as he did. 

 

“Then let me get you out.” There was a crack of thunder then that seemed to shake the entire house on its foundation, rattling the frame like a skeleton being shook in a coffin. Neither man flinched, and James was suddenly very aware of how fast his heart was pounding, blood rushing through his ears and his pulse seeming to resonate in his head, his temples throbbing with every beat of the muscle. 

 

Aleks was silent, his dark eyes staring directly into James’ own, unmoving even to scan the rest of his face. James should’ve felt uncomfortable beneath his gaze, should’ve felt goosebumps rise over his skin and his mouth grow dry but all he could focus on was the way Aleks was now lifting his hand, his pale fingers outstretched towards James’ face and making contact with his beard first, then slowly stretching downward to touch the skin of his cheek. 

 

He couldn’t help the sharp inhale then, his body stiffening up slightly from reaction but Aleks didn’t seem to notice, instead pressing his hand closer towards his face and running it gently up the side, his thumb resting gently against his cheekbone. 

 

“You don’t want me up there.” His voice was barely audible, a whisper drowned out by the storm outside but James saw it all in his eyes, shiny and vulnerable and saying all the things he couldn’t outloud. 

 

James took another steady breath, lifting his own hand to rest on Aleks’ face, fingertips brushing against rough stubble before bringing his other hand up to match, his thumbs stretching upward to swipe beneath Aleks’ eyes. 

 

“You’re the only thing I’m sure I ever wanted, Aleksandr.” And James was thankful for the thunder because in that moment, with his heart pounding and hands shaking and mind screaming he gathered up just enough courage to lean in and press his lips to Aleks’, kissing him so deeply he wished he’d never have to come up for air again. 

 

It was strange; he’d never felt so sure of anything in his life, kissing this man that was basically a stranger to him. They’d known each other for... an hour, maybe, if you didn’t count the dreams. It didn’t make sense why his body was screaming at him to get closer, to breathe life into Aleks’ mouth and feel his skin beneath his fingertips. He had never wanted someone so badly that it made him feel like he was falling apart without him, that if he didn’t keep Aleks in his arms like this he might keel over and die right here on the spot.

 

He wasn’t sure what he expected Aleks to do in return, but he was pleasantly surprised when he felt the man’s body arch almost immediately into his arms, eager on closing up any and all space they had in between them. James closed his eyes, opening his mouth a bit more and tilting his head to the side as Aleks quickly hooked his arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly as he arched his back further and leaned back towards the floor. 

 

The way Aleks was kissing him was...well, to be honest James couldn’t think of a word to describe it. There wasn’t a word for it, exactly; one second it was almost loving, his movements gentle and fingers upon his skin soft, and the next he was clinging onto James like he was drowning, fingernails intent on leaving his neck marked up. The intensity of each mood swing should’ve scared James but it almost felt natural to him, in ways that he expected and others that he didn’t. 

 

Aleks didn’t show any sign of stopping, and when he finally lifted his mouth to take a breath of air his lips went directly for James’ neck, intent on kissing the hollow of his throat and sending a shiver down his spine. He quickly hooked his arms beneath Aleks’ thighs and hoisted him up, huffing slightly as he did and feeling as Aleks’ body bounced slightly against his own. James felt his face heat up as he pulled back a bit and smirked softly at James in response, slightly out of breath and his lips parted in the most sinful way possible, his tongue pressed to his bottom teeth as he scanned James’ face with his dark eyes. 

 

“What, you think just because you’re my soulmate you have automatic access into my pants?” His tone was playful, light and airy and something James hadn’t heard from him since arriving in Purgatory. Aleks was all stress, all furrowed brows and deep frowns and hasty escapes. 

 

This Aleks was different; this Aleks’ eyes were shining with mischief, small dimples appearing as he smirked up at James, head tilted slightly to the side and his blonde swept with it. He still had his arms hooked around his neck, and his legs had found their way around James’ waist, ankles crossed against the small of his back and he was pressed so close to him that James could feel his rapid pulse, threatening to outrace his own. 

 

So...the sudden feeling was definitely reciprocated. Good to know. 

 

James was flustered and he knew this, and it was embarrassing listening to himself stumble over his own words as he tried to respond to Aleks’ blatant accusation, feeling his brain grow more and more into mush the longer he felt those damn eyes rest upon his face, his lips. 

 

“I didn’t...no, no that’s not-“ Aleks giggled then, literally giggled like a child, his eyes squinting as he grinned and James stopped talking mid sentence, feeling himself gape slightly in response before Aleks lifted his jaw up slightly, giving him a defiant look through his long lashes. 

 

“Well, you’re in luck. That’s exactly what it means.” James felt suddenly as if someone had switched him off, his brain turning to static and his body freezing up as the corners of Aleks’ mouth turned upward, smirking delicately at him as he scanned his face before taking his hands and placing them on either side of James’ face. 

 

James shuddered slightly, feeling the dragging of his palms through his beard and across his skin and regained some sort of consciousness back before Aleks was tilting his head slightly, leaning down and pressing his lips to James’ own. 

 

And really, after that; it was game over. 

 

James had him swung around and resting on top of the washing machine in mere seconds, eagerly setting him down and letting his hands grab ahold of his waist, yanking him forward so as to not lose contact. Aleks’ legs fell against the metal machine and spread slightly, his feet pressing against the backs of James’ thighs to keep him close. 

 

His hands were traveling now, dancing like a madman across James’ body, grabbing ahold of whatever fabric he could find and tugging it almost violently, determined to get it off of him by any means necessary. James was so preoccupied with Aleks’ mouth that he only noticed that no clothes were coming off when the action began to actually hurt his arms, grunting against Aleks’ lips before pulling away. 

 

“What, this your first time taking off someone’s clothes?” Aleks rolled his eyes in response, James trying his best to hide his smile at the way his chest was rising and falling rapidly from the heat of the moment. 

 

“It’s been a long time, you’ll have to forgive me,” he retorted slyly, and James wrinkled his nose fondly before taking a step back and shedding his jacket onto the floor, watching as Aleks yanked his shirt over his head in one swift move. 

 

James was too slow for Aleks’ liking, and was only halfway done removing his own shirt before he was pulled back against the washer, letting out a startled yelp before Aleks had a hold on his shirt, getting it caught against his bun and letting out another loud giggle before he successfully removed it. 

 

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, trying and failing to hide the humor in his voice as James made a face, trying his best to hide his own smile as Aleks took his face again. 

 

“I didn’t mean to mess up the bun…” His hands slid their way up to his head, fingertips running through his curls and scratching against his scalp lightly. James remained quiet, watching him intently with dark eyes, scanning his face and taking in every piece of it that he possibly could. 

 

It was the first real time James had gotten to look at him; really, truly see his face. And God, was it beautiful. 

 

His hair was longer in the front, falling over his eyes and casting soft shadows across his face, across his wonderful porcelain skin. He had tiny dashes of freckles here and there, sprinkled against his skin like God himself had put them there. His nose was perfectly curved, his lips slightly plump from all the kissing, and his cheeks were a shade of pink that James was sure he’d never seen, but was positive was the color of love. 

 

Aleks was quiet, watching him with amused, shiny eyes that were alive with a new sort of light James hadn’t seen in him thus far. 

 

“You’re looking at me like you want to eat me,” he teased lightly, his arms resting against his shoulders as he looped them slightly around his neck, leaning forward as his feet swayed above the ground beneath them, in between James’ thighs. 

 

James hummed lightly at that, lingering on his lips for a moment more before meeting his eyes, staring Aleks down for a few seconds and silently reveling in the way he seemed to blanch slightly. Before Aleks could open his mouth again James had leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to the hollow of his throat. 

 

Aleks did exactly what he’d willed him to; tilted his head back and sighed softly, and James imagined those beautiful brown eyes closing as he did. 

 

For a moment, he almost stopped there. What a beautiful noise from a beautiful man.

 

“Listen…” Aleks’ voice was soft and almost distant, like he was speaking to James from a different room but maybe it was just the haze of what was happening here, of the blurry connection between soulmates and strangers. 

 

“About earlier, I’m sorry if I pissed you off…” James let his eyes flicker back up to his face, taking in his jawline almost hungrily. “I just...I never thought I’d see you again, you know? After that dream...it sucks, seeing your soulmate disappear like that...I mean, I’m sure you get it,” he added hastily, and James could see his eyes open. “You saw me vanish, too…” 

 

An sudden loud gasp and jolt beneath him silenced the room entirely. 

 

“James…” Aleks’ voice was suddenly breathy, trembling slightly as his body stiffened up against his chest. James smirked against his skin, pulling his mouth away ever so slightly before tilting his head and moving back down, sucking long and hard on his neck. 

 

Aleks’ hand made contact with the washer beneath him, a loud slapping noise as he gasped again, his back arching beneath James’ grasp, his neck falling back even further. 

 

“Oh, God…” he managed out, and James could feel the way his legs were struggling to spread beneath him, heels sliding against the metal machine before he hummed thoughtfully in response. 

 

“I don’t think God’s here to help you out, Aleksandr,” he murmured into his skin, and it only took a couple seconds for Aleks’ voice to clear up. 

 

“Bedroom. Now.” James smiled, lifting his face up before quickly sliding his arms back beneath Aleks’ thighs and hoisting him up, feeling his eager hands reaching impatiently for his belt as he kept him close and turned on his heel, hurrying back up the stairs and into the dim lighting of the hallway once more. 

 

James had been with plenty of men; plenty of girls too, for that matter, and of all the nights he spent yelling out other peoples names in bed, Aleks’ tasted the sweetest rolling off his tongue. 

 

It was like fire and rain at the same time, two seemingly opposite forces coming together and creating something that no one had seen before. Aleks’ hands knew exactly where to go, and James never wanted to stop exploring the masterpiece that was Aleks’ body, lean and healthy and sweaty and wonderful and terrifying all at once. 

 

Aleks’ fingertips seemed to reach a part of him James hadn’t even known existed until this night, until right now in this moment, in this place that was trying to kill them both but somehow brought them together anyway. 

 

He figured that was a soulmate thing.

 

The rain poured on, thunder and lightning never stopping but also never drowning out their voices, Aleks’ loud cries and James’ sharp moans, like an orchestra swelling during the most important part of a film, the scene that made everyone feel like things were going to be okay again. 

 

James had never been one for movies, but he felt like what he and Aleks had was Oscar worthy. 

 

James never wanted to stop but his body said otherwise, and he silently cursed himself for being so human as he collapsed back onto the bed at Aleks’ side, burying his face in the pillow and trying to catch his breath somehow as Aleks laid on his back next to him, his chest rising and falling rapidly before he lifted a hand and ran it wearily through his hair. 

 

“They’re really…they’re really not kidding with this...soulmate shit huh?” James snorted at that, the noise muffled against the pillow before he lifted his face up slightly, turning his head to blink slowly at Aleks, taking in his flushed cheeks and swollen, parted lips. 

 

“Maybe I’m just that good, hm?” James grinned as Aleks reached over and swatted at his arm, barely even making contact before it flopped back against the mattress, closing his eyes for a moment as he breathed. 

 

“Maybe you are…” he responded airily, moving his other hand to rest against his chest, right over his heart like he had earlier. James fell silent, breathing heavily through his nose still as he watched Aleks’ slowly slide his fingers against his bare skin, running across the vibrant colors of his tattoos before he opened his eyes again, staring at the ceiling for a moment. 

 

James watched as he tilted his head to the side, meeting James’ eyes and holding his gaze for a moment before speaking. 

 

“It doesn’t burn.” 

 

James remained silent, watching Aleks carefully as the man tapped his thumb lightly against his skin, his hand remaining over his heart before he moved it down slightly to rest on his stomach, turning his head back to gaze at the ceiling once more. 

 

His body was exhausted yet exhilarated at the same time, both aching and thriving. James slowly managed to turn himself over, his feet catching against the comforter as he did. He sat up slightly, reaching down to grab ahold of the edge before yanking it up, covering both himself and Aleks with it before he settled back down, his now messy hair finding itself pressed against one of the pillows. 

 

Aleks didn’t say a word, barely even moved as James did this. He was still staring at the ceiling, his eyes seeming slightly lost and James felt concern bubble up within his stomach for a split second before he let his eyes wander up to match Aleks’ gaze, curious to see what he was looking at. 

 

The ceiling was littered with glowing stars, the sticker ones that decorated kids bedrooms. They were barely glowing, their faint green light barely visible in the dark room, the windows all covered with blackout curtains and random fabrics. 

 

There was no rhyme or reason to them; they just were. They existed almost chaotically but not quite, and James could tell that everyone one of them was handpicked and stuck to a specific place against the plaster, even if the pattern didn’t make much sense. He couldn’t help but smile a bit to himself, losing himself slightly in his thoughts before Aleks finally began to speak. 

 

“This is my old house.” James tilted his head back down, eyes immediately going back to Aleks’ profile. His face was perfectly silhouetted against what little light came in from the window, brief flashes of lightning illuminating one side of his face. “This is...it’s my old bedroom. From when I was growing up.” 

 

The solemness in his tone was grounding, and James scanned his face silently for a moment more before pushing himself up to rest on his side, elbow digging into the queen sized mattress as his hair began to fall in his eyes. 

 

“So your mind came up with your old house too, huh?” Aleks turned his head slightly, glancing at James through long lashes and letting his eyes wander up and down his face before nodding a bit, turning his head back. 

 

“It’s not uncommon. People who end up here find themselves in places of great value...or trauma. Or both.” His fingers were tapping lazily against his stomach still, looking thoughtful as he gazed at the faded stars. “Anything that had a significant impact on you...is usually what you see.” 

 

James didn’t respond, instead staring Aleks down and taking in the way his face seemed to change at that, brows furrowing slightly and his lips turning downward into a frown before he was turning on his own side, propping himself up on his elbow to stare at James now, holding his eyes in such a way that James forgot how to breathe for a moment. 

 

“No one’s ever been down here with me before.” He said it quietly, almost in a hushed way that sounded like he was trying to keep it a secret from an unknown person or thing that might be listening to them. James blinked in response, not even having time to open his mouth to respond before Aleks was speaking again. 

 

“I didn’t know it was possible. I didn’t think people could end up down here with me, let alone see the things from my memory.” His dirty blonde hair was falling in his eyes again, and James had to will his hand to stay down instead of pushing it from his forehead. Instead he stayed mute, watching Aleks’ face begin to crumble slightly, not unlike the buildings they’d escaped hours earlier. 

 

“How are we supposed to leave?” 

 

And in his voice James heard a million other questions; ones that were worried and anxious and none of which seemed to have an answer besides ‘I don’t know, Aleks.’

 

And it didn’t seem like Aleks was expecting an answer. He had the look of a defeated man who’d already accepted his fate and really, it made sense. He didn’t want to know how long Aleks had been in Purgatory, how many nights he’d spent lying awake in the bedroom of his childhood wondering what it must be like to be alive again, up there back on Earth. 

 

Even Hell must’ve seemed nicer than this. At least he knew his place there, and no one ever escaped Hell.

 

James let out a long breath through his nose, feeling his shoulders fall slightly as he stared at Aleks for a moment more, wondering what you were supposed to say to a person who’d already given up on everything. 

 

“Well...I got here. That’s not supposed to be possible, either.” Aleks didn’t respond, letting his glance fade before turning into his back again, staring absentmindedly at the ceiling. James averted his eyes and glanced around a bit, taking in what little of the room he could see in the dark. 

 

“I wasn’t supposed to make it down here. There was no telling what was gonna happen when we tried, and guess what? I made it.” He saw Aleks’ eyes dart towards James’ face for a split second, still keeping his mouth shut as James pushed himself up on his shoulder, raising his height a few inches. 

 

“I was so determined to get down here, after I saw you in my dream, that it didn’t matter what it took. And I’m not saying that to sound like some sort of martyr, it’s just...I was determined. I told myself I could do it...and I did. Simple as that.”

 

Aleks frowned deeply at that, and James blinked in shock as he sat up suddenly, the blanket falling off his body and revealing his colorful arms and chest once more. James tilted his head up slightly, falling mute as Aleks sucked in a haughty breath. 

 

“It’s not that simple, James.” He was right, of course. Nothing about this entire situation was simple. It wasn’t simple having a soulmate, it definitely wasn’t simple thinking for most of his life that his soulmate must be dead, and it sure as hell wasn’t simple when he found out his soulmate wasn’t on Earth, and technically wasn’t alive to begin with. 

 

No, Aleks wasn’t simple at all. But that didn’t mean James wasn’t prepared to die for him all the same. 

 

James slowly pushed himself up to sit, reaching Aleks’ height again and taking a moment just to look at him, at the smattering of bruises James had left on his neck and chest, ones that were nothing like the ones he’d marked other partners with. He’d been so afraid he was hurting Aleks and had tried to stop but Aleks had pulled him in even deeper, begging him in between soft gasps to keep going, that he was okay, that he was perfect. 

 

Aleks didn’t say a word, watching James almost sullenly as he reached his hands up to let his hair down, pulling his hair tie from his bun and letting his curls fall upon his shoulders, running his fingers absentmindedly across his scalp. 

 

“You’re right, it’s not that simple.” He stared at a spot on the wall in front of him, falling silent for a moment as he felt Aleks shuffle lightly at his side before turning to catch his eye again. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.” 

 

Aleks let out a defeated sort of high and opened his mouth to protest but James cut him off by talking louder. 

 

“Look, there’s gotta be a reason I ended up down here. That didn’t happen just by luck.” Aleks still looked disgruntled but closed his mouth regardless, staring James down through his long lashes. 

 

“All those books we found, all those things we did and said to find you...they worked, and they shouldn’t have. By some sort of twist of fate, I ended up alive and well in Purgatory with you. Don’t you think that’s odd? You said yourself you’d never seen another living person alive here. And if it hadn’t have been for that dream I had, and waking up with this…” He held up his wrist, the tattoo still very much inked onto his skin. “...I wouldn’t be here, with you.” 

 

There was a beat of silence then that felt much heavier than the rest James had experienced thus far, and Aleks stared at him with a blank sort of expression in his face, blinking a couple times. He inhaled a slow breath through his nose, letting it fill his lungs and raise his shoulders slightly before he let it out and James saw him deflate like a balloon. 

 

“Fate is something I never really believed in,” he said shortly, but something about his tone and the way the words slipped from his mouth told James otherwise. He fought back a small smile and bowed his head instead, scratching absentmindedly at his beard. 

 

“One of us should sleep...the other can keep watch for a couple hours and then switch out.” Aleks seemed slightly relieved the subject had been changed and nodded quickly in agreement, sitting up further in the bed. 

 

“Well, I don’t sleep, so knock yourself out. When did you want to head out tomorrow?” James blinked in surprise at that, raising an eyebrow and ignoring his question entirely. 

 

“What do you mean you don’t sleep?” he pressed, frowning a bit. “Now’s not the time to act tough, we need all the rest we can g-“

 

“No, I mean I literally don’t sleep. I don’t need to down here.” James shut his mouth quickly, his frown deepening as Aleks quickly continued. 

 

“I mean, I can if I want, but it’s not needed. It doesn’t do anything for me; I can’t even dream.” His words trailed off slightly, and there was a sad air to them that James didn’t particularly like but didn’t comment on. All he could do was nod slowly in response after a moment, running his fingers through his hair for a moment before tugging his hair tie off his wrist and beginning to gather his curls up. 

 

“Right…” he murmured, tilting his head down as he fastened a messy bun on the top of his head, finally beginning to realize how exhausted he really was. 

 

“Well...we don’t have much time tomorrow. Frankly, I think we should leave as soon as it gets light outside. Gives us time to get back, and we’re able to see if anything else starts happening or if anything’s...out there.” Aleks didn’t respond for a moment, instead staring quietly at James as he spoke, rubbing absentmindedly at one of the bruises on his neck. 

 

“Yeah, that sounds good…” James could hear the anxiety dripping in his voice and he almost opened his mouth to speak but Aleks beat him to it. 

 

“Do you...have a plan to get out? Any plan at all?” James chewed on his bottom lip, scanning Aleks’ face briefly before nodding slowly in response. 

 

“Yes. Now, I’m not saying it’s 100% guaranteed to work, but...it’s all we’ve got.” He simply shrugged a bit, watching Aleks’ face begin to crumble. “It’s the same thing that happened when I got here. We had no idea if it was gonna work or not, but it was all we had to go by.” 

 

Aleks didn’t say anything; what was he gonna say, anyway? There wasn’t any point in arguing, and James could see all the things he wanted to say threatening to spill from his mouth but only silence answered him. 

 

“You should sleep,” he finally said, his eyes already averted and his head turned as he pushed himself out of the bed, absentmindedly glancing around for his clothes. James tried his damndest not to let his eyes wander but it was nearly impossible and well, frankly, this was Purgatory. He was allowed to sin if he wanted to. 

 

Aleks was quick to dress, although he didn’t seem to notice James’ lingering eyes before he turned around to face him, his face slightly softer than before in a way that made James feel better, even if it was just a little bit.

 

“Get some rest while you can. I have a feeling tomorrow’s storms are gonna be worse than today…” His voice was softer, fading into itself as James refused to break eye contact, staring him down sleepily as Aleks shifted slightly beneath his gaze. “I’ll wake you at dawn.” 

 

He turned quickly on his heel to leave the room, but not before James caught the split second of emotion running across his face; what of, he wasn’t sure. Seemed almost scared, if James had to put a name to it. He left the room and shut the door behind him, leaving it slightly cracked with a sliver of pale blue light from the hallway pouring in, and the sudden shift into darkness made his eyes burn tiredly. 

 

He glanced around the room slowly, debating for a moment if he should get dressed to sleep and decided to do so, in order to save time in the morning. He leaned forward off the side of the bed and grabbed for his clothes; well, Aleks’ clothes, he supposed. He put them on slowly, listening to the relentless thundering from outside and wondering idly if there was ever going to be a reprieve from it. Frankly, what even triggered it? He didn’t suppose there were weather patterns in Purgatory, but then again, there was a lot he didn’t know. 

 

Especially about Aleks. 

 

He turned his head back towards the door, half expecting to see Aleks come through it or at least watch his shadow pass in the hallway but he was long gone now, probably somewhere in the living room or kitchen, closer towards the front of the house to protect James from...whatever was out there. He climbed into the bed, finally taking notice of the childlike comforter and sheets, smiling a bit before laying on his side, resting his head against the pillow before staring fixedly at a spot on Aleks’ wall, covered with the remains of old stickers and posters that had been torn down and replaced over the years. 

 

He could hear his blood pumping through his ears, feel the rush of it as he focused on his heartbeat, counting silently to himself in the dark as his began to sort out the events of the day. 

 

Firstly, he had found Aleks. Mission accomplished, he supposed. They were both still alive, safe (for now) in a shelter, and protected from the raging storm and crumbling buildings, not to mention whatever things out there that had given Aleks those scars James couldn’t help but notice while he was covering his skin with kisses. 

 

He shivered slightly at the thought and pulled the blanket up a bit more, covering his shoulders before he swallowed a bit, allowing himself to close his eyes. 

 

Secondly, Aleks had remembered him. It wasn’t like James hadn’t expected him to, really, but there had been that tiny voice in the back of his head terrified that when he finally saw Aleks, he’d stare at him like a deer in the headlights. He did, kind of; but that made sense. No one was supposed to get down here, not alive, anyway. 

 

Thirdly, he WAS alive, as far as he knew. James moved his hand to his chest, pressing his palm against his warm skin and felt his heartbeat against it, sighing softly in response. He still FELT alive; his heart was beating like he was alive, he still felt tired like he was alive; those were all good signs, right? Of course, Aleks still looked alive too, but technically...he wasn’t. James felt nauseous thinking about what exactly had led Aleks to here, to being stuck between Heaven and Hell and not being able to decide where he wanted to go or just move onto his past life. 

 

That was another thing; why didn’t Aleks talk to him?

 

He supposed it was a trust issue; James was the king of those, and he knew it. Still, the tattoos didn’t lie. Aleks knew firsthand that they were soulmates, and from the events that unfolded earlier, it didn’t seem like he was all that opposed to it. He was still cold, though; but maybe that’s what this place did to you. Tore you apart, bit by bit, piece by piece, until eventually there was nothing left of you to move on. You simply died here, never receiving your promise of eternal life in Heaven or damnation in Hell. 

 

James didn’t think anyone really deserved that. 

 

His eyelids were heavy as he struggled to open them again, half hoping he’d see Aleks standing in the room, asking silently with his eyes if he could climb into the bed with him. James could feel the ghosts of his hands and fingers still dancing their way across every inch of his skin, so delicate that for a moment he thought he might’ve fallen asleep and was dreaming. Another loud pang of thunder shocked his senses slightly and he woke up a bit, blinking rapidly as a harsh flash of thunder flooded the room. 

 

He didn’t have time to think about all of this; not right now. All that mattered was getting out of here tomorrow, in one piece, with Aleks. Everything about them that didn’t make sense could be handled later, when they were back on Earth or wherever it was they resided that wasn’t here. 

 

Sighing softly, James turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, letting his gaze scan the very faint green stars still scattered across the ceiling, letting his hands rest upon his chest as his breathing evened out. 

 

If he could get in, he could get out...right? 

 

James wasn’t sure when exactly he fell asleep but his sleep was undisturbed, the nightmares that had always held Aleks’ face within them nowhere to be found. He could recall the exact moment he woke up, the shrill noise of a loud phone ringing startling him out of bed. He shot up quickly, gasping loudly in shock as his heart began to pound violently against his chest, making him slightly nauseous as his head spun. He swallowed carefully, feeling his throat tighten slightly as he turned his head towards the source of the noise, loud and coming from what sounded like the kitchen. 

 

The rain seemed to have stopped, the bright light of what James could only assume was the morning sun pouring through what little space between blackout curtains there were. He frowned at that, remembering Aleks’ promise to wake him at dawn the night before before he got out of bed, shoving the comforter off his body before hurrying through the doorway and down the hall towards the front of the house. 

 

The man in question was nowhere to be found, the ringing seeming to get even louder as time passed with no one answering it. James tried his hardest to bury down the ever growing feeling of panic rising like bile in his stomach as he spotted an old landline phone hanging from one of the wallpapered kitchen walls, reaching out and taking it gently from its cradle before speaking into it. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“James? Oh my God, you’re okay!” Lindsey’s voice sounded like pure bliss, and James felt relief began to soak through his bones quicker than the rainwater from last night as he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

 

“Lindsey…” was all he managed in return, slumping against the wall behind him for support. The fact that she had been able to reach him at all was a good sign; the hope that their plan to escape was going to work was beginning to warm his chest once more. 

 

“How is everything? Did you find Aleks? You only have a few hours left before you have to be back-” James was startled away from Lindsey’s voice by a sudden crashing noise echoing down the hall, the sound emulating from another room. He frowned deeply, standing up straighter and feeling his body tense up as Lindsey stopped speaking mid sentence, the noise apparently loud enough for her to hear too. 

 

“James? What was that?” Her voice was a whisper but still harsh against his ear, crackling slightly in the phone and James didn’t have the time to wonder how she was speaking to him in the first place; his stomach churned uncomfortably at the fact that he still didn’t know where Aleks was. 

 

“I don’t know,” he admitted softly, matching her same soft tone as he took a couple steps forward. The phone was detachable, no cord to be found and James was almost upset by the fact because he was terrified of what he was going to find in his search. Lindsey was still breathing softly into the phone, and James could feel the uneasiness begin to settle as he carefully balanced his weight in his feet, careful not to make too much noise against the hardwood. 

 

The crashing had come and gone quickly, leaving an eerie bout of silence throughout the house that James felt almost suffocated by. He slid the phone carefully down from his ear and against his neck, swallowing thickly as he approached the only door that was open; a spare bedroom he’d passed on his way to the basement the night before. 

 

He reached his arm out, tan fingers making contact with the white wood of the door to push it open even further before he gasped loudly, the phone clattering to the floor as it fell from his hand and Lindsey called out his name with a staticky sort of cry. 

 

Aleks was on the floor, crumpled up into a heap of clothing and limbs and pale skin and no movement. His face was buried into the dirty carpet, barely visible as his blonde hair fell messily against his cheeks, hiding him from James almost entirely. James ran over quickly, dropping to his knees as he carefully but quickly grabbed ahold of him with trembling hands, turning him over and onto his back. 

 

“Aleks?!” His mouth was red, lips dripping with what could only be blood, crimson and dark and coating his chin with the substance. His eyes were closed, long lashes casting shadows across his pale cheeks but James could hear the very faint noise of breathing coming from his parted lips, and his eyes jerked down quickly to take in the way his chest was rising; very slowly, but rising all the same. 

 

“Aleks…” He could hear Lindsey calling out his name from the phone at his side, muffled through static and fighting to break its way over his rapid heartbeat, the pounding in his ears almost painful. He quickly reached over, still supporting Aleks up with his other arm before he grabbed it shakily, pulling it up to his ear. 

 

“Lindsey, something’s wrong with Aleks. He’s unconscious and bleeding from his mouth-“ As if right on cue Aleks’ body jerked back to life, sitting up quickly with a labored gasp for air, his brown eyes flying open. James nearly dropped the phone again but managed to keep a grip on it, arm tightening around his body as Aleks leaned over and began coughing violently, more blood beginning to pour from his mouth and spray over the dingy carpet like a crime scene. 

 

“James…” His voice sounded like a croak and for a second James wasn’t sure that was what he’d even said until he realized Aleks was staring pitifully at him, head lowered slightly and glancing at him through dark eyelashes, his shoulders rising and falling with every labored breath he took. 

 

“What happened? Did something get him? How much blood is there?” Lindsey sounded much farther away than before, and James was almost convinced he was dreaming. He stared blankly at Aleks for a second, his lips parted slightly as he racked his brain for what to do, watching a particular drop of blood begin to slide its way down Aleks’ chin and down his very pale, very bruised neck. 

 

“Did you get attacked?” James was relieved to hear his voice sounded much calmer than he was, and he felt Aleks’ body relax slightly in his grip before he shook his head. 

 

“No…” he murmured carefully, tilting his head down to cough again, more blood coming up and staining the fabric of his pants. “I stayed up, I was about to come wake you when suddenly my chest…” James watched his hand float its way up to his shirt, palm making contact with the center of his rib cage and James didn’t need him to finish that sentence. 

 

“The burning?” he asked weakly, and by the way Aleks tilted his head up to meet his gaze was all the answer he needed. 

 

“What burning? James, talk to me!” James managed to hook his arm around Aleks’ waist and pull him a bit closer, his hand moving up slightly to support his back as he kept the phone cradled between his cheek and shoulder to speak.

 

“Lindsey, we have to get out of here soon. What do you need me to do?” He purposely ignored her question and instead focus on keeping Aleks’ head up, trying his hardest not to frown at the way he was struggling to breathe, coughing up what looked like blood clots onto the front of his now ruined shirt. 

 

“Well, you need to get back to where you first arrived.” James blanched at that, feeling all of the color drain from his face before he quickly shook his head. 

 

“No no, Lindsey I can’t. It’ll take hours to get back there…” The panic in his voice was palpable and he heard a loud sigh come from the other end of the phone, could practically see his friend rubbing her forehead with her palm like she always did when she was thinking. 

 

“Okay, well...where are you now? Obviously somewhere with a phone.” James nodded quickly, then forgot Lindsey couldn’t see him and cleared his throat. 

 

“Yeah, we’re at Aleks’ old house…” At the sound of his name Aleks lifted his head up weakly, blinking slowly at James as if the effort of moving his eyelids was too painful for him. James swallowed thickly, breaking the gaze and lifting his head up to stare at a spot on the wall in front of them. “Please tell me we can get home from here.” 

 

There was a beat of silence, and James could hear muffled speaking on the other end of the line, the voices of his family back at home, all of them sick to their stomachs wondering when and how exactly James was going to get back to them. 

 

He almost felt guilty, but then took one more look at Aleks and knew that this was right where he needed to be. 

 

“Yes, it’s possible…” James couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips, his eyes falling shut for a moment as Aleks leaned into his side for support, still successfully holding up his head and resting it upon his shoulder. “But it’s riskier than before. It’s the same basic concept; you and Aleks both need something sentimental to hold onto. Do you still have your bear?” James turned his head, glancing down the hallway and towards the bedroom before responding. 

 

“Yeah, should be in my bag. Hold on a second…” James lifted his cheek and let the phone slip down his shoulder and into his free hand, turning his head carefully before speaking tentatively. “Aleks? Do you think you can walk? We need to get to your room…” James was suddenly very aware of a deep rumbling from outside, thunder louder than last night’s beginning to echo in the distance and giving him an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Aleks didn’t respond, his face still halfway buried into James’ shirtsleeve and staining the fabric a deep crimson color. He nodded feebly after a moment, his hand grasping weakly onto the back of James’ shirt for support before he began to slowly pull himself up to his knees, inhaling sharply at the effort it took. 

 

James quickly got up, slipping the phone into the pocket of his sweatpants before taking both hands and grabbing ahold of Aleks’ arms to lift him to his feet gently, his heart pounding a mile a minute as a pang of thunder seemed to shake the house from right beneath them. The morning light that had been pouring through the windows just minutes before was now nowhere to be found; Aleks’ face looked even paler in the sporadic flashes of lightning, draining his face of any color it might’ve had left in it. 

 

“Just hold onto me, I’ve got you…” James murmured softly, trying his hardest to keep his voice as calm as possible. Aleks nodded slowly, closing his eyes and slid his arm around James’ waist, holding onto him as tightly as he could, which wasn’t much at all. James quickly but carefully pulled him to his side, making the steady trek down the hall and to the bedroom, ignoring how shallow Aleks’ breathing was getting and the way the lights were beginning to flicker. 

 

“Okay, we’re in here…” James managed to set Aleks down onto the bed and pull the phone back up to his ear in one swift move, keeping a hand steady against Aleks’ back for support as he rummaged through his bag with his other hand, fingers making contact with the stuffed toy. “Yeah, I still have it.”

 

“Good,” Lindsey responded quickly, and James could hear people shuffling in the background. “Okay, you need to find something for Aleks. It has to be something really special to him.” James nodded again, still forgetting Lindsey couldn’t see him before hastily echoing out another “okay” in response before turning to Aleks again, chewing on his lip. 

 

“Aleks, I need you to listen to me for a minute, okay? This is really important…” Aleks’ head was back down now, tilted towards his lap with his chin making contact with his collarbone. His hands were pressed against his chest, pale fingers spread across the blood stained fabric as if in a feeble attempt to get the pain to stop. He didn’t seem to hear James at first, and despite the time crunch James couldn’t find it in him to repeat himself. 

 

He finally moved, taking a second to open his mouth and let more blood drip from his lips, barely having to cough before more of the substance came up. James nervously fidgeted with his free hand, running his thumb anxiously along his fingertips before Aleks lifted his head again, swallowing thickly. 

 

“She needs something special to me?” he asked hoarsely, and James froze for only a second before he was nodding again, thankful that he’d been able to hear Lindsey on the phone. 

 

“Yeah, really special…” The power flickered again and James realized with a sickening blow to his stomach that once the power went out, his contact with Lindsey was gone. “Lindsey, I think we’re about to lose power. Quick, tell me what we need to do.” There was another bright flash of lightning that James almost swore was right outside, the tumultuous rain almost deafening him as he struggled to listen to the other end of the line. 

 

“Same as last time, words and all. Make sure you’re holding as tight as you can onto him, he could end up stuck down there if you don’t hang on. You both have to be holding onto the objects, and don’t stop speaking no matter what!” There was a loud crashing noise that suddenly tore him from his thoughts, accompanied by the sound of shattering glass. 

 

James jerked his head up quickly, listening intently at the sound of heavy rain pounding against the house before he realized that it was coming inside now. 

 

“The storm’s bad, a tree just came through the roof.” Aleks seemed to still be processing this in his mind, blinking idly at the source of the noise down the hallway as Lindsey began speaking quickly again. 

 

“James, you have to do this now. You’ll both be dead within minutes at this rate, do you understand me?” Lindsey was never one to sound scared; James admired the way she could hide her emotions at any given moment, no matter what she was feeling. But the fear in her voice was practically dripping through the phone, heavy like molasses and threatening to swallow James whole if he focused too much on it. 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon.” He sounded much more confident than he felt, and James listened as Lindsey inhaled a deep breath on the other end of the line, preparing to say something else before the power cut out entirely and the phone went dead, uncomfortable static filling his ear instead. 

 

James quickly dropped the phone again, tossing it somewhere to his left across the room before he turned back to Aleks, squinting a bit to let his eyes adjust to the sudden darkness. 

 

“Come on, we gotta go!” He couldn’t see how bad Aleks looked now, which was both relieving and terrifying all at once. He quickly slid his free arm beneath the strap of his backpack before tossing it onto his shoulder and then did the same to Aleks’ waist, hoisting him up quickly to stand. “Where’s the thing you want to use?” 

 

Aleks nodded his head feebly towards the end of his bed where his pillows were, earning a lost look from James before he coughed loudly, bending over almost entirely towards the floor before waving a limp hand in front of him. 

 

“The mattress...lift it, check under it…” James quickly followed his order, stepping forward and lifting the corner with his hand, keeping his other arm wrapped around Aleks’ ever weakening body before slipping his fingers against the wooden frame, feeling around before touching paper, grabbing ahold of it quickly and pulling it free from beneath the bed. 

 

An envelope, slightly faded and crumpled with Aleks’ name scrawled in beautiful cursive handwriting on the front sat in his fingertips. It had been opened many times, the back part slightly torn and smudged with dirty fingerprints on the once white paper. James ran his thumb lightly across the top, staring at it for a second more despite himself before he turned to meet Aleks’ gaze, his eyes fixated solely on the letter in his hand. 

 

“My mom...she wrote that to me right before she died…” His breathless tone made him sound even more broken than he was, his chest rising and falling with uneven, rapid gasps for air that made James’ heart ache further. All he could do was nod in response; even if he had something to say, there wasn’t any time for it. 

 

Another sickening noise of wood cracking began to fill the heavy silence that had overtaken the two, and James looked up just in time to see the ceiling beginning to cave in. He yelled in shock and quickly yanked Aleks away from the bed and towards the hallway, feeling the rush of the debris as it missed his arm by mere inches. Aleks’ room was destroyed in mere seconds, the cool rush of rain taking its place and beginning to fill the spot almost immediately, spraying both of their faces with water and giving James the shock he needed to completely wake up. 

 

They were going to die here.

 

James immediately slid his other arm beneath Aleks’ legs and lifted him quickly, holding him close to his chest as he started running down the hall and towards the basement, flinging open the door and running down the steps, his bare feet hitting painfully against the concrete. 

 

Aleks was still struggling to breathe properly, grunting at every little movement that caused him to bump against his body. James felt only slightly guilty; the sheer thought of the two of them not making it back to Lindsey and Joe and all of his friends made him sick and he ran faster. 

 

“Hold on for me, just a couple more minutes…” Aleks hummed quietly in response, his arms holding weakly onto his neck as he kicked the door behind him in some sort of attempt to shield them from the torment of outside. He crossed the room and set him down, propping him up against the edge of the washing machine for support before he tossed his bag off his shoulder and onto the ground, digging through it furiously. 

 

“Aleks? Talk to me, let me know you’re still breathing…” Aleks coughed again, gagging after a few seconds before he bent over and started spitting up more blood, and James looked up for a split second to see him clutching his stomach with both his arms. James inhaled a sharp breath and looked back down, yanking out the knife and toy as well as Aleks’ letter and the worn out Bible, scraping his knees up as he rushed to kneel in front of Aleks. 

 

“Hold on, Aleks...stay with me, please…” James heard another sickening crash from upstairs, wincing at the noise but staying as focused as possible, grabbing Aleks’ hand and pulling it forward while grabbing the letter in the other, pressing it into his palm and looking up at him, forcing the other man to make eye contact with him. “Don’t let this go, okay? It’s CRUCIAL that you hang on.” 

 

And in that moment, with Aleks’ pale face staring painfully back at him, his lips dripping with blood and mouth slightly parted as his shoulders fought to rise with every breath he took, James realized that absolutely none of this was fair. 

 

It wasn’t fair that he was here, in Purgatory with the entire place going to shit around him. It wasn’t fair that Aleks was dying right along with it, his time to officially die finally coming to an end and it wasn’t fair that James was there to witness it. 

 

And it sure as hell wasn’t fair that they were soulmates who had gotten so close to their happy ending to have it all yanked away from their grasps in one swift move. 

 

James wrapped his fingers tightly around Aleks’ hand and pressed it closed around the letter, jumping in shock when he heard a loud bang against the metal door to the basement, echoing loudly among the concrete room. Aleks jerked his head up quicker than James had seen him move all morning, his dark eyes widening slightly as he stared at it. 

 

:Oh no…” James could barely hear him over the sound of the storm outside but it still sent a shiver down his spine, his voice dripping with pure dread. He frowned, scanning Aleks’ face carefully for only a couple seconds before the banging began again, this time rapid and violent and louder than before. Aleks flinched visibly, squeezing his eyes shut and ducking his head and James felt his hand struggle to tug its way out of his grip in some sort of desperate attempt to cover his ears from the noise as it got faster and harsher. 

 

“No no no no…” Aleks was whimpering now, his face contorted into a miserable expression and James could see the way his dirty cheeks were glistening with tears. “James, they found me…” 

 

And really, James had absolutely no intention of finding out who “they” were. “They” had given Aleks all of those scars, “they” were the reason he was crying and trembling in his arms right now, “they” were the monsters that God had placed in Purgatory to cleanse people of their sins. 

 

And they were dangerously close to busting down the door. 

 

James yanked over the Bible across the dirty floor, placing it between the two of them and throwing it open, silently thanking himself for leaving the page bookmarked. He kept one hand firm on Aleks’ own, using the other to scale his finger down the page and find the passage again. 

 

“Okay...Aleks, I know it hurts. I know you’re scared, but I need you to hold on for just a little bit longer…” He grabbed the knife off the floor and dropped Aleks’ hand, holding his palm up and slicing it open with the sharp tip, barely even feeling the sting before he looked back up at Aleks, wasting no time in asking for his hand. “I’m sorry, bear with me…” 

 

Aleks’ skin was still draining color by the minute, and James felt horrible knowing he was just going to lose even more blood on his account. He quickly slid the knife over his skin, cutting it open and watching his hand fill with blood before he tossed it to his side and took the letter back, pressing it into his hand. 

 

“Remember what I said; stay awake, and hold on tight.” Aleks didn’t even seem to register his words; his eyes were barely open, and James could see his body beginning to sway slightly from the sheer effort of staying up and he quickly pulled him back towards him, wrapping his arm around his waist and clutching his bear in his now bloody hand before tilting his head down towards the Bible, swallowing thickly as he closed his eyes and placed his other hand on the page. 

 

“Cum pars a me, ut aperiam tibi. Dimittite me, ut ultro insequuntur punctum.” The noise was deafening now; the constant banging, the animalistic noises from the hallway and the thunder seemed to shake the entire foundation of the house, and James wondered idly where he was going to go if he died right here and now. Heaven wouldn’t take him; not with all the things he’d done in his lifetime.

 

He felt Aleks’ head go limp against the side of his neck, forehead colliding with his skin and it took everything in James’ willpower not to start crying. He tightened his grip around the man and kept him close, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

 

“Cum pars a me, ut aperiam tibi.” He paused for a moment, swallowing back a lump in his throat and listening to the chaos outside ensue. “Volo ire in domum suam.” 

 

There was nothing; the noise didn’t stop like before. The warm feeling that had taken over his body the previous day was nowhere to be found, and dread began seeping cold and heavy into his bloodstream. 

 

He opened his eyes, blinking past the tears that had begun to form before he glanced around, staring at the same room with the same stupid walls and dirty floor that wasn’t his home. 

 

James tilted his head down carefully, gently nudging his cheek against Aleks’ forehead before murmuring. 

 

“Aleks?” He pulled back slightly and felt Aleks’ head fall limp again against his neck, staying there motionless and somehow, through the sick nausea and neverending noise, felt the very faint, very slow breathing of his nose against his skin. 

 

And then it just...stopped. 

 

It didn’t quite hit James for a few seconds; for a moment, if he closed his eyes, he could still imagine the warmth of Aleks’ body heat, could picture the way his heart was beating and feel the hot breath against his skin. 

 

He couldn’t force himself to look at his face; he imagined it just looked like he was asleep, peacefully dreaming of days when he was back on Earth, back at home, still alive. He’d finally gotten the sleep he’d been searching for all this time. 

 

James let out a shaky breath, feeling as if his chest were beginning to cave in on itself. He knew it didn’t matter anymore but he was still careful with his movements, slowly sliding down from his position on his knees to sit down on the cold floor, his other hand going from the Bible to Aleks’ waist. He pulled him forward gently to rest in his lap, laying his body against his chest and holding him close, wrapping his tattooed arms tightly around his soulmate. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Aleks…” he whispered quietly, his voice muffled as he pressed a kiss to Aleks’ blonde hair, right above his temple. “You deserved better. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

 

He didn’t respond, of course. He didn’t move in James’ arms, just dead weight resting against his torso. James tilted his head back slightly, gazing at the way his long eyelashes rested upon his pale cheeks, giving him an almost angelic look. How ironic. 

 

The banging had ceased, and James knew it was just a matter of seconds before the metal door came crashing down the concrete steps. He tilted his head down, glancing down at his lap and saw Aleks’ limp hand against the floor, fingers wrapped loosely around the now destroyed, bloody letter. 

 

“I hope you get to see her,” he murmured softly, closing his eyes. “I hope she’s waiting for you with open arms.” The door came tumbling down, and James inhaled a deep breath, tightening his arms around Aleks’ body. 

 

‘Do your worst;’ he thought numbly. ‘I have nothing left to lose.’

 

And James was waiting for the inevitable; for the pain, for the screaming, for whatever came when you died like this in Purgatory, when you failed your soulmate and when you were at your lowest point and there was nothing else to do except cease to exist. His body tensed up and he braced for impact, but it never came. 

 

“James?! JAMES!” 

 

His eyes flew open and he gasped for air, inhaling deep breaths like he’d been underwater for hours with no time to surface. This place was bright, much brighter than before and his eyes stung as they struggled to adjust, clouding up with unwanted tears and he furiously tried to blink them away, still struggling to catch his breath. 

 

“Oh my God, you made it! You’re alive!” The shock of hearing Lindsey’s voice, loud and clear and not distorted by the static of a phone shocked James back to his senses. His eyes widened as he saw her face looming above him, her long hair falling from her shoulders as she stood over his body, which was lying straight down on what felt like a carpeted floor. 

 

He shot up immediately, his head spinning from the speed of it and his head throbbed painfully as he turned his body, staring at her with wide eyes. 

 

“Where’s Aleks?” There was a brief moment where James pictured his lifeless body, alone and crumpled in the middle of the basement floor as the creatures he’d conjured up in his mind finally got to him and he felt sick to his stomach, his heart rate speeding up violently. 

 

Lindsey lifted her hand and pointed in front of her, behind him. James didn’t even give her a chance to open her mouth to respond before he was whipping around, his palms making contact with the floor as he crawled across the room to follow her direction. His left arm throbbed painfully, and he could feel something dripping down his skin but he ignored it, adrenaline and pure fear of what he was going to find pumping through his bloodstream so much that he could barely feel it anyway. 

 

Aleks was there, lying on the floor just as James had been, on his back. He could see Joe knelt beside him, carefully assessing his bloodied clothes with gentle but quick hands. James made it over within seconds, swallowing thickly as he took in Aleks’ face, still drained of color and his eyes still closed. 

 

“Oh no, please…” James reached down and took his face in his hands, thumbs resting on his cheekbones and growing sticky with the blood that was still present on his mouth and chin. “Please, Aleks. Not like this, not now. I got you back here, you can’t be dead…” James could feel Joe’s eyes upon his profile but he ignored it, sitting up on his knees before leaning down towards his soulmate’s face, carefully running a thumb over his eyelid. 

 

“I’ve never been a lucky person but I got you back, that was never supposed to happen. My luck can’t run out now, do you understand? I just need one more miracle, I just need you to open your eyes. We can fix you, we can give you the life you always wanted up here on Earth, it doesn’t even have to be with me!” His vision was blurred now, tears filling his eyes as he struggled to keep his voice down, the sheer hysteria of this entire situation hitting him like a ton of bricks as he fought to comprehend. 

 

“You didn’t deserve to be there, you got a second chance and now it’s going to waste! Please, Aleks!” His voice rose and cracked sharply, and he sniffled in a sad sort of attempt to hide it but it was out in the open now, for everyone to see. He could feel everyone in the room staring at him now, suddenly aware that they’d all been here awaiting his return. The silence was deafening; louder than anything he’d heard in the basement. 

 

Aleks remained still, his chest unmoving and James had never longed for something so much in his life than for his lungs to fill with air again. He sniffled again, realization beginning its cold, icy latch onto him as he slowly bent down, closing his eyes and pressing a kiss to his forehead, no longer warm with the familiar heat that he’d begun to associate with Aleks, his Aleks. 

 

He must be in Hell now. There was no worse punishment than this. 

 

James didn’t know what else to do besides hold him and really, that’s all he wanted to do in the first place. He found himself numbly moving his legs, shifting his body to lay down on the floor at Aleks’ left, lying on his side so that he was staring at his profile. No one said a word, and James very carefully lifted his hand and brushed a lock of stray hair that had fallen in his face, pushing it back to rest on the top of his head. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered one last time, pulling his hand back before he shifted his arm and moved it down towards his limp hand, intertwining their fingers so that their tattoos were touching. He closed his eyes and, as childlike as it sounded...he wished for his mom. Just for a moment. 

 

He still felt numb but the pain from his arm was starting to come back, and he focused blindly on it as an excuse to forget about Aleks for a minute. He flinched slightly, scrunching his face up in pain as he struggled to move it before a soft, tired voice cut him off. 

 

“Don’t move too much...can’t have you bleeding out on me.” James’ eyes flew open, blinking furiously to clear his vision before Aleks’ face swam into view, dirty and bloodied up and sickeningly pale but very, very much alive. 

 

James felt his mouth fall open, his brain still struggling to connect the dots as Aleks smiled feebly at him, his eyes still only half open. “Can’t get rid of soulmates that easy, James.” 

 

He heard Lindsey gasp in shock and Joe’s sigh of blatant relief as everyone else in the room all started talking at once, some going towards James and others Aleks. James ignored them all, still frozen in his spot on the floor as Aleks groaned a bit, struggling to push himself to sit up as Brett and Asher rushed to his aid, grabbing beneath his arms gently and tugging him up.

 

James felt Lindsey and Anna touch his arms, offering themselves to help him sit as Trevor went to Joe’s side, grabbing his hand and helping him stand. James took the offer and quickly pulled himself up, his eyes never leaving Aleks’ face. He watched him grimace in pain and assure Brett and Asher that he was okay, giving them a tired thanks and weak smile before he turned his head to face James again, expression softening immediately. 

 

“You did it.” His voice was gentle, quiet and full of a thousand other emotions and unsaid things. James merely stared in response, watching as the other man slowly pulled himself over the few inches they had of space left between them, tilting his head slightly to the side once he arrived.

 

He smiled softly, dimples appearing lightly in his cheeks and James had never felt so invincible in his life. 

 

“I’d kiss you right now if I c-” But James didn’t let him finish, sliding an arm around his lower back and pulling him close, leaning down and pressing a deep kiss to his lips instead. He tasted like metallic blood and sweat and everything dirty that had been in Purgatory but James could also taste hope, could taste life and love and everything sweet that this world had to offer at the same time. Aleks inhaled a shocked gasp at his forwardness but kissed him back ever the same, his eyes falling shut before he lifted his arms and draped them weakly over his neck. 

 

James felt Lindsey’s body collide with his back as she leapt down and hugged him from behind, arms going straight around his waist as she sighed in pure relief. He lifted his head and broke the kiss just in time to see Anna do the same to Aleks, albeit a bit more careful. Aleks grinned, the first real one James had seen on his lips and he felt like he was floating, weightless and in love with the way his eyes crinkled when he did. 

 

The rest of the room seemed to get the memo and they all swarmed around them, joining in at different parts of the circle to envelope them all in one big hug, wrapping their arms protectively around the duo in the middle. James felt his cheeks flush from the attention, eyes flickering down to meet Aleks’ as they silently exchanged words. 

 

_ ‘Do you love me enough to stay for this?’ _

 

_ ‘I’ll love you until the day I die, and then after that? We’ll start all over again.’  _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you loved it or hated it, please let me know in the comments below! this was something new i wanted to try out, and any and all feedback would be much appreciated. 
> 
> as always, my twitter is playthetyrants and tumblr is uberhaxorslut. roast me on there, as well. 
> 
> ALSO if you feel so inclined: my ko-fi is here :)   
> https://www.ko-fi.com/playthetyrants
> 
> thank you once again, and i promise to be back sooner with the next one!


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